Baby Wisdom

Things I have learned from my son:

Photo by Dawndra Budd

www.portraitsbydawndra.com

Every morning wake up excited for another day of living

Everything is full of awe and wonder everywhere 

Smiling at strangers brings everyone joy

Bright colors and patterns are interesting

It’s okto not like someone and have no reason

Naps are essential 

Staring at each other is an activity

Doing nothing is everything

Food is good

Taste everything before you decide if you like it

Going down with the sun and up with the sun is a perfect rhythm

Rest is our natural state, so is play

Whatever happened yesterday is done, today is a fresh day

Sometimes we just need to be held and nothing more

Our natural state is joy and peace we only fuss when we need something

We can get excited to see someone we just saw five minutes ago

Nature is the perfect amount of stimulation and calming at the same time

99% of communication is nonverbal

You can smile with your whole body

Emotions are not to be suppressed, they are to be expressed and then let go

Don’t worry about other peoples needs, express your own and let them decide what to do

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks just do what pleases you

It’s ok to be dirty, and messy

We have all the entertainment we need within our own body

We don’t need much to be happy, just each other 

Thank you son, for making everything so perfectly clear and right. 

I love you beyond measure.

The Invisible Work of Women

My dream was to breast-feed peacefully under a tree. I thought this was an easy thing, the baby came out and like in the garden of Eden you sit there nourishing your baby in all your womanly glory. Then the baby came, and the breast-feeding began. I couldn’t believe the first time my baby latched - it hurt like a hundred knifes in my chest. Breathing through tears I thought, this can’t be right. This is supposed to be the most natural thing in the world, and it does not feel natural or comfortable in the slightest.

Photo By Dawndra Budd

http://www.portraitsbydawndra.com/

Everyone said it is normal for the first few months to hurt a lot, cracked nipples, bleeding, it’s just a part of the process…not to mention blocked ducts which makes you feel like your breasts are on fire. Why haven’t I heard about all this before? Of course you hear about challenges in pregnancy, and the pain of labor, but very few people talk about how difficult breast-feeding can be. It is more than a full-time job and some of the hardest work you will ever do. I was determined to do it because of both the nutritional benefits, and the experience I wanted to have with my child. Within two months of hard work, lactation consultation, and understanding that our babe had a tongue tie - “the breast-feed pain-free under a tree" dream came true...but it was a journey. Pumping is an incredible option and yet also challenging and time consuming. I have the fortune of not having to work full time, and from home at the moment (and my husband had a three month paternity leave) but for all of those people that had a child and went straight back to work… I can only imagine the leaking breasts, hours of pumping at your desk, and storing little bags of breastmilk in the office fridge. It’s astounding what women have done for years to nourish our humanity. The biggest thing for me is that most of this tremendous work, this life-giving unbelievably important and powerful gift is invisible. Millions of women have done it over the years behind closed doors, under blankets, and hidden in private corners. I love breast-feeding now, it is an incredible and joyous thing and I plan to do it for as long as I can - but it is also a process.  I want to say to all the women out there who have been doing this for lifetimes - thank you for your work, not always seen but of the utmost importance, thank you for feeding our humanity with your body. And for those women who didn’t breast-feed, I honor you as well.  If it was difficult with supply, pain in latching, having to work and not being able to be with your baby, or any other reason - it is totally valid. I get it. We all have to make the best choice for ourselves and our child for how to nourish our baby, and either way, it is a tremendous task and often not seen or acknowledged.  Women,  I see you and thank you for your labor of love.

A LA PISCINE - The Swimming Pool

For fun, and for a personal mission I have created a children's book. There are many different purposes for this story, but one is to create an awareness and mission for youth to protect our oceans. Attached you will find a 5 minute narrated video of the story, and a link to the amazon book. I might ask that you watch the video and check the 8 points in the video description to see if you and your family are doing some of what you can to protect our oceans, our planet, and ourselves. Links Below! I THANK YOU SO MUCH in advance for your time and consideration. Much love, Simone 

Please Check out:  A LA PISCINE - The Swimming Pool (Video) 

And: A LA PISCINE - The Children's Book

See the World

     It is an wild time on our planet. Our planet is having a pause around the globe in a way it never has before. In that sometimes we are forced to see new parts of the world, and faced with unknown parts of ourselves. It is a difficult thing to not only face oneself, but to truly look at the hardships in the world. It would be easier to avoid them, easier to stay busy and keep on keeping on so we didn’t have to feel.

    In quarantine I have been doing a lot of seeing, a lot of creating, and sometimes picking up new things I have never done before. This is my first painting, “See the World.” I started painting and then watched Bob Ross to see what I could pick up from the painting guru. What I picked up is that I should’ve started watching him before I started painting, but that’s alright. It’s a process. Watching him was a joy of discovery, and a joy of seeing and exploring the natural world. I found myself looking at clouds, looking at trees, observing how water and light move, observing the mountains in their majesty. It was definitely a meditation not only seeing the world around me but the world inside of me as well. There is so much difficulty going on in the world right now, we must find ways to process. Try something new and you might find parts of yourself, and parts of the planet that you never knew existed. And in that become a little bigger, a little fuller in your vision, and a little deeper than you ever were before.

 

 

Share Your He(ART)

Over the past year amidst artist projects I have been spending time with elders during this global pandemic. The elders that I have been seeing are primarily isolated in their own apartments, not able to see friends, family, or have visitors. They are taking meals in their rooms, and may have someone like me visit them once or twice a day for ten or fifteen minutes simply to give them some connection. It is a tremendous amount of isolation, and the emotional turmoil that I have seen is sometimes greater than my heart can take. The pain unbearable, the loneliness daunting, the empty days drifting into each other.

One of the things I can do is assist them in making phone calls to their loved ones. Once or twice a week their family members, or friends schedule a zoom or FaceTime call with them so they can actually see their beloved elder. For many of the people in their eighties and nineties zoom is not a pleasurable activity in the least, and they don’t understand why their family insists on seeing them on the strange screen and attempting to communicate that way instead of visiting them. You can explain about the virus but even if you do, it is quickly forgotten minutes later or not understood. Some family members have wisely  picked up on their family members disenchantment with these phone calls...but have no other real option.

 Some months ago I started to see some thing new. Family members still wanted to call, still wanted to see their loved one, but they didn’t want to force on them an unenjoyable conversation in the same way. They also were changing themselves because on the other side of the phone no matter their age or their work, they also were forced to be at home and quarantine. Space surrounded them, stillness, and being stuck in a house with yourself or your family for almost a year new habits and hobbies begin to emerge.

Photo by Dawndra Budd

The first time it happened I was completely shocked. A son called his mother, she was in her 90s and he was somewhere in his 70s, he barely said any words to her but he told her that he had picked up the guitar again even though he hadn’t played for years. He had worked on a set list for her and for nearly 45 minutes he played song after song singing his heart out to his mother. She sat completely engaged totally enamored and never for one second did she seem frustrated with the technology or confused. In some moments I even saw her mouthing along singing the words, and other times I could see there were some tears welling up in her eyes. She was feeling so much and appeared so connected, by simply watching her son play the guitar and loving listening to the music. I thought perhaps this was a wonderful one time event until a few days later a daughter called to speak with her mother and she had picked up her dusty cello. She played for nearly an hour and again her mother was completely transfixed. I started to see it more and more sons and daughters calling their elderly relatives and instead of forcing conversation on them they simply offered them some art. It was an instrument perhaps they played in high school but had tossed aside, maybe it was a singing career long gone, or a painting that they were working on that they wanted to share. It was the most beautiful thing. Sometimes I envisioned these parents were thrilled because they had spent years taxiing their children back-and-forth to these arduous artistic lessons, both painstakingly and financially draining, only for the art to be shoved aside at some point for a more lucrative career. Maybe it was rewarding to them that all their karmic good efforts were coming back to gift them generous performances in their latter years, and in their most vulnerable and isolated moments. 

I don’t know the answers. I can’t even begin to say that I know why this worked so well. But, I do know there is something very special about authentic art. When you share your art, you share your heart. When you share your heart you are vulnerable, but you also offer tremendous tenderness and connection. This last year has been unbelievably hard for many, and I won’t pretend for a second that sometimes I was heartbroken to tears when I went home after visiting these elders. But, I will also say their were moments of such overwhelming depth and beauty that I will be forever changed. I now see the resilience of the human spirit, its creativity and its desire not just to survive but to thrive even in the most difficult of circumstances. Share your heart, share your art...it is the only way we will get through this all together.
 

SNUG LIFE: The Snuggle is Real

With Credits: Beats by OP BEATZ. www.opbeatz.com Written and performed by Simone Bruyere Fraser. www.Simonebruyerefraser.com Special Thanks to: DP Miles Jackson Forgette, Wardrobe The Bobov Family, Locations Camille Gibson. Stay home, mask up, and stay safe and healthy everyone! www.simonebruyerefraser.com www.opbeatz.com https://www.facebook.com/simonebruyerefraser https://soundcloud.com/simone-bruyere-fraser @SimoneB_F https://www.linkedin.com/in/simonebf

DA BAIT

Beats by OP Beatz

Written and Performed by Simone Bruyere Fraser Camera Moderator Miles Jackson Forgette www.simonebruyerefraser.com www.opbeatz.com https://www.facebook.com/simonebruyer... https://soundcloud.com/simone-bruyere... @SimoneB_F https://www.linkedin.com/in/simonebf

Do you Open Doors?

 Many of us have heard of the phrase when one door closes another one always opens. It's that age-old saying that says when something doesn't work hopefully something better will come along and make it all worthwhile. There have been a lot of doors closing this last month, and everyone feels it. Jobs, travel, events, and plans made months ago are suddenly up in the air. It's a strange time, it’s a time of social isolation, quarantine, and general Unknowing. But maybe, if we turn our heads from the closing doors for just a moment we might see some unsuspecting opportunities greeting us.

In honor of my Grandmother
Georgiana Bruyere  

 I love spending time with elders, and during this time I have been spending even more time with them, in a quarantine safe sorta way. All of their doors are closed right now for their own health and safety. They're isolated even more than usual into their own rooms, houses, not allowed visitors, to go to church, and not able to go out in general. In the assisted living facility I visit I get to visit many people isolated in their apartments. I spend time with them I ask them how they're doing and a completely different world is opened up to me with every door that I open. Recently I have been able to ask them questions like in what moments in your life have you been the happiest, what makes you feel the most fulfilled, and what makes you feel the most loved. The answers pour out of them. I simply have to ask one question and 45 minutes later I’ve heard the most incredible response. It is quite possibly some of the richest and most fruitful time I have ever experienced in my life. What started out as the desire to be helpful when they needed extra hands, turned into me learning new meanings of life. Hanging on every word -  not able to breathe because I didn't want to disrupt the magic of the moment. Laughing so hard that I begin to cry, crying so hard that it became funny. War stories, love stories, sharing of art, travel, hobbies, you name it. We shared an emotional intimacy, even six feet apart, a special “I’ve got nothing to lose kind of candor” that we all save only for rare moments.

Every door I opened was a completely different world even though their circumstances are similar. Their internal world was completely different. Every door I opened felt like I was stepping into Narnia and I didn't know which book I was in. There are many ways to approach crises and I certainly don't know the answers, but I can tell you inside each of those doors the response and reaction was shockingly different. Sometimes when one door closes a hundred doors open, as literally was the case in my situation. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm not saying that I would like it to last forever for the elders especially, but I am saying perhaps I might look back at this time with fondness and as extremely valuable. A time when I was able to step into many different peoples worlds and gleam the most valuable wisdom of their existence. An extraordinary and unique gift that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. This is a difficult time for many, and I wish you and all of your loved ones peace, health, and happiness...and if any doors close in your life may a thousand new ones open.

. 

The Angry Lady Dance

The Dance of the Angry Lady is an Interesting Dance. A therapist once told me that I should spend more time examining my anger, primarily because I didn’t appear to have much.... however, at the same time the tension in my jaw was at a point where it would be so painful that it would put me flat out on my back, unable to speak. Over the years I slowly got in touch with my anger and the jaw tension melted away like snow in spring. Things, people, situations started to piss me off in appropriate and healthy moments when something wasn’t right for me...I found my boundaries in that agitation. When I found my boundaries I clearly and profoundly found myself in an entirely new way. I found the wall that says this is what I need, this is what works for me, and this is what doesn’t. I also learned how to love in a much more selfless and authentic fashion giving only when it felt true, and when I deeply wanted to give from my soul not because I needed to please anyone. Without boundaries we cannot truly love ourselves or others, and anger is the edge of knowing that boundary.

Photo By Allen Wyler

 Anger has been hard for women over the years, seen as unloving, Bitchy, unattractive...but anger aligned with knowing what does and doesn’t work for you is simply personal power. This year we celebrate 100 years of women having a right to vote, a right to have a voice. So On this International Women’s Day I encourage you to become curious about your anger, to feel when your walls are being breached, to use your voice to connect to your center and to love and express the truth within.

Are you content?

He kept saying to me, I feel so content. I thought about it. I felt the same way. It felt so good, like I was exactly where I wanted to be, spending time with people I love, doing things I love, and no place else in the world could be better. I felt it, what was this profound feeling of contentment? It felt better than being happy, it was like deep joy and deep peace came together and had a baby inside my soul. Named Contentment.

Photo by Miles Forgette

 I was aligned with the present moment and everyone and everything around me seemed to expand the feeling. It's a beautiful thing to feel, especially around the reflection of a New Year, we spend so much time reminiscing about the past or rushing towards the future contentment feels like a luxury. But, it's not. It's where we can live, contentment is a home base. Think of animals stretching out in a sun spot so content, or getting their back scratched in bliss, or simply thrilled we came home. Yes as human beings we will always be growing we will always have  new problems to solve. However, I was reminded that it's o.k. to be content, it fact it's more than ok, it's where we might enjoy living more often than not... and I for one felt so much gratitude to be living it so deeply. Wishing you and yours deepest contentment now in this New Year 2020, and always. With much love, Simone

Do you Control or Collaborate?

Life is full of twists and turns,  bends, and  unexpected surprises. Most of the time we don't see them coming. The question is do we control or collaborate with life when they do?


Last month I had a wonderful opportunity to work with  birds. I can't think of a better example of a time when I had to collaborate instead of control. You can't control what birds will do. My learning moment was when one exceptional vulture kept putting one arm out. It was a strange thing for a bird to do and it looked so unique. But instead of trying to control him I decided in that moment to collaborate and put my other arm out in the same form that he was putting his arm out. For me it was a glorious moment of collaboration  -  with an animal. I'm slowly learning to let go of my own needs and perceptions and listen to what life is giving me. I am an artist and so I almost always directly relate to art, but truly it is for anything in life. When you control you constrict and limit possibilities around you, you are afraid and you are not your fullest self. When you collaborate you are open, you're receptive and infinite possibilities come your way. I must acknowledge the photographer,  Dawndra Budd...her assistant, and everyone on this shoot was a true collaborator.

Photo by Dawndra Budd
https://www.portraitsbydawndra.com/

 I have had the privilege of watching many artists do their work and I have come to see a tremendous difference between those that control , and those  that collaborate. When one controls they are presenting something that is known and from that space it already has become stale. When you are collaborating you are present to the moment and everything becomes alive. Collaborating though  takes tremendous courage, vulnerability and risk. You cannot protect yourself or your ego, there is nothing to hide from - you just must show up, be present and respond honestly.

I can't say that I'm always full of collaboration and I am certain there many times I'm trapped in control -out of my own fear. I am practicing and learning everyday to be present, to show up to collaborate with all of life around me and to be receptive and open to the field of the unknown.  It's where all the magic happens. 

Do your problems feel too big?

     There's something I've been realizing recently, we humans LOVE problems and we love to make them big! Sometimes it's almost like it gives us something to do in this weird western world, life has gotten too easy. When my problems seem too big, I tell myself that my life has become too small. Instead of focusing on the largeness of the challenge I want to focus on the largeness of the possibility or opportunity for change coming my way, and of existence as a whole.

Gothic Basin
Photo by Valera Vulfson

    It's easy for problems to feel big when we are sitting at our desk looking at our computer. Those problems become sooo much smaller however when we step outside and look at the mountains, or the ocean, or something that is so big and so vast that everything else disappears. I smile when I recognize my smallness in the realm of the universe, it doesn't make me sad -  it excites me. And, much like watching ants marching around on an ant hill I'm reminded of the divine unseen order of things. My job is to get in flow, do my best, and let go and that's it.

    So next time a challenge or a daunting task comes your way, when the emotional pain seems way bigger than you could ever handle.... Step outside and remind yourself of your smallness in the big cosmic universe, and this problem too will find its way like bees find their way back to the hive. Make your life bigger and bigger every day and I promise you every little challenge will get smaller and smaller. And then your old habit of being drawn to the small and mundane problems will start to disappear because you will be more drawn to the excitement and challenge of this big wonderful Journey. Don't make your problems too big, make your life HUGE and all your problems will get a little easier, and a lot smaller.

Do you have Artist?

My name is Simone Bruyere Fraser, and I have Artist. I think I was first diagnosed with Artist around 11 or 12, but I showed symptoms of it as early as four years old. The hours of make believe in the backyard, the dress up costumes, the stories, the shows I'd put on, dances I made up. A lot of this could be chalked up to normal child behavior but when I was 11 or 12, I started showing serious symptoms. I would give up entire summers when other children were playing at the beach or going to gymnastics camp to write plays which I would then cast, act, direct, make sets, costumes, and write songs for. My parents were supportive, but I also think they thought it was something I wouldn't necessarily do my whole life. A funny childhood passion. I was good with many things social work, animals, communications, business. I could have done anything.

Photo by Allen Wyler

 It is believed that some of the factors that indicate if someone has artist is in their genes. Neither of my parents were artists, I thought I was immune, I too thought perhaps it was a childhood curiosity I would grow out of. But I came to realize later that both of my parents have very strong recessive artist jeans that came together to make me a full-blown artist. I should have seen the signs all along. There was that novel my dad was always talking about writing about his time as a parole officer, his fascination with Italian art, and then when certain music came on he would erupt into dancing that was exceptionally good for an older white man - everyone commented on it. And there was my mother, who I was told when she spoke globally at conferences lit up like a Christmas tree when she was on stage and her pointing at the slides looked more like enthusiastic jazz hands, she would dress in the appropriate wardrobe/costume of the country. I always knew when she would be speaking with a colleague from overseas because she would take on their specific dialect, even though she was on the phone with them from our living room. Whenever she had two seconds to draw with me when I was little she would draw unbelievable horses that looked like they could run right off the page. 

Why do I feel the need to talk about this now, because it is clear to me that I will live with artist for the rest of my life. There are times I thought that I would outgrow it, there are times I have tried to suppress the symptoms hoping that I would forget about them, and there are times that I have tried to cure it. But the truth is artist will not go away, I was born with it. Some of the symptoms of artist are very challenging and I think can leave many people who do not know about it, or who are close to someone with Artist both confused and perplexed. It can equally be just as confusing for the person living with it. I would like to bring more awareness about artist to our world and so I would like to share some of the major symptoms and common concerns/traits so that you may be aware of them when dealing with people who have artist.

Every story that you may tell them, every experience that they may have is the possibility of a great piece of art in the making. It is very common for them to blurt out, that would make a great movie after you have shared with them some treacherous story about your life. Do not take it personally, they still care they just can't help it. Similarly every person they meet becomes a character study. They watch with tremendous detail the way people walk talk and gesture. It is not uncommon for them to go home and try to mimic these things in the mirror. It is also common for artists to hop between different creative genres and often at a moment's notice. For example for someone who has spent years doing opera singing suddenly to think they are a genius photographer as well. They can't help it they think that artist relates to all creative genres, often disregarding the unique craft with each art. People with artist can have unusual eating and sleeping patterns. For example sometimes in the middle of eating a fruit salad they may look at a kiwi-fruit as if they have never seen one before in their life and then in the middle of eating bring the kiwi into the light and have an incredible urge to paint it with oil paints on a large canvas. Sleep can also offend be disrupted as artist symptoms seem to worsen between the hours of 2 and 4am. Some of their most flamboyant creations will come out at this time whether it be music, monologues, dances, or paintings. While others may tell them to go to bed they often believe that if they do not do it right at that moment all will be lost. The inspiration is no less than a direct connection to the divine and they are the only porthole to be able to transport it into the living realm to save humanity with this masterpiece. Another symptom of artist is that anything they see - they could believe they can make themselves. They go to Ikea and see shelves and believe that if they go home and also take some wood and nails they can make the same shelf, only better. It is the same with greeting cards, clothing, home decor, acting, dancing, and anything alike. Unfortunately often this is not the case and leads to some disastrous and dangerous circumstances for themselves and others. 

People with artist often struggle around situations of money either having none of it or tremendous amounts of it not knowing what to do with it until they spend it on everything and then have absolutely no money again. Hence the term starving artist as they often will give up everything for their art, and buy fancy Artist supplies instead Artist's paying rent. Artist's tend to struggle with any conventional norms and ask why more often than other people. Why should I get married, why should I buy a house, why should I work a job, there is a piece of their brain that can't compute social convention. Along with not with not Computing social convention they simultaneously over sympathize with others pain. Is very common for people with artist to see them fighting and picketing for different groups often groups that they might not even identify with naturally. Yet they are incredibly impassioned with others causes and feel that it is their obligation to fight for them. People with artist tend to overly resonate with experiences designed for children. If you are at a park and they say you must be below a certain height to go on a ride you will often find artists disregarding these rules and jumping on the ride anyway. Please be wary of inviting Artist's to your child's birthday party. If there are crafts involved they will not be able to withhold them self and they are not good with modeling sharing for the younger children. If they are working on the coloring project they will pick the color they want and use it until they are done and even then they know sharing is a good thing, they will not be able to help them self from finishing what should have been your child's art project. Lastly people with artist many show a strong and widely diverse emotional range that the majority of the population do not show. It is not uncommon to have them laughing hysterically and then if you turn around they may be in the corner crying about something from their childhood.

 Times in my life I was frustrated that I was with artist. I tried to get normal jobs hoping that they would suppress symptoms for a time, I got a Masters in Business and Communications hoping that it would cure or ease artist. It did not. Once when giving a presentation in Business School I stood right in front of the projector light that was projecting our slides to the classroom for the entire speech. I couldn't help but "find my light" and stay in it regardless if it meant the people watching had no visuals for the talk.

My Hope Is that anyone sharing in this will have a benefit in two ways. One is that if you are close to someone or know of someone who is close to someone who has artist, perhaps you can help share these signs and symptoms so they can be more well-informed of what they are dealing with one being close to someone who has artist. And the other is that if you are reading this and you are having an epiphany that you yourself may be have artist I encourage you to love it. I joke, but truly it is the most tremendous of diagnoses. I Have Artist. Embrace it because it gets worse if you suppress the symptoms they must be expressed to keep any semblance of sanity while working with this condition. And, when you do, if you do, you will experience the richest, fullest, wildest, most diverse life ever created. Where would our world be if we did not have artists boldly and honestly going where no man has gone before, and enriching humanity with these these tremendous gifts? The examples in music, dance, writing, painting, sculpture, and acting are countless. I could not be more grateful that I have artist now even on the crazy days. Art comes through the heart, and the world needs much more heart and more art.

Do You Care For Yourself?

I was in pain, the kind of pain that hurts so much you're not sure what to do with it or where to go but you want to disappear. I wanted support from a friend but at the moment no one was available. So I had no other option but to care for myself. And I did, and everything changed in that moment. I saw myself more clearly, and when I had a question in my mind I responded with compassion. I listened to my pain, and held myself. I saw myself from the outside looking in, saw how much I was doing, how strong I was, and gave myself kindness like a good friend would. In that moment - I finally understood self care.

Self Care
Photo by Pete Ambrose

Do you Care for Yourself? What if  you loved  youself? What if you woke up and looked at yourself in the mirror with eyes of tenderness? What if you listened to yourself when you felt something needed to be said.? What if  you cried if you felt it and laughed when you meant it and said something only when it was real.  What if you said no, what if you held your  boundaries because those soft edges of your tender soul are all that you have to protect it. I no longer wanted to betray me.

What if I let the values of society family friends melt away and saw simply what I valued? What if they didn't match? What if I stood my ground and took myself on romantic dates. What if I showed you my true self my deepest self and you didn't love me. I might cry but then it would be okay because I finally really and truly knew myself, and then I loved and cared for myself and that was more than enough. I'm not just talking about brushing and flossing before you get go to bed, but sometimes it's a good start.

Do you take the road less traveled?

Photo by Allen Wyler

Is your mind your friend?

I woke up and had a dark heavy feeling on my shoulders and could barely get out of bed. When I did get up I looked out the window and I felt like sobbing. I didn't understand - this was not like me at all, I normally get so excited to wake up and be alive. I look out the window rain or shine and see the beautiful trees mountains, water, birds and I'm excited to be alive. But, this day felt terribly different, and it was even my day off - a day just for me. I called my amazing man and he came over and sat with me and asked me to tell him how I was feeling. I started to tell him, and then we both realized the same thing at the same time. These were not my feelings, these were the feelings of the character that I had been playing for months. She was in challenging circumstances, and she was traumatized. And that's when I realized my mind had been trained.

Photo by Dawndra Budd
https://www.facebook.com/photographybydawndra/

Fortunately after a good breakfast and a little decompression all started to come back into balance, but I became very aware of something in that process. I started to watch my own thoughts, and observe what my mind was telling myself and how it affected how I felt. Normally my natural mind is my supporter and my friend. I look at the world and see good things, and I'm grateful, and that makes me feel good. 

I have become deeply aware of thoughts since that experience.  Character work is hard, and it makes you compassionate for what other people feel on a daily basis. I will never forget that feeling, it was dark and long like I was living at the bottom of a deep tunnel. It was awful and I had trained the pathways in my mind to go there even when they didn't have to . I had a realization, and thought of all the people in the world who through no fault of their own have probably trained their mind to not be their supporter. I'm sure it is even more difficult through traumatic experiences, or chemical imbalances.

How does this pertain to you? I ask, do you feel good? If you do not feel good, that it could be that your mind has been trained to tell you things that don't feel good. They are things that are probably not even true. Observe your thoughts, don't judge them just observe them. And see if they make you feel good or not. And if not, gently a little at a time try to shift your thoughts into telling you things that make you feel wonderful. If you need the help of a therapist or a friend that is okay sometimes we all do. Make your mind be your best friend and supporter, so you can feel good and be your best you. When your mind is trained to be your friend, it will listen so your heart can share.

For Love.

Photo By Dawndra Budd
www.photographsbydawndra.com/

Is Your Path Pure?

I love Martin Luther King Jr. I always have. As I look back on blogs past, I almost always have something related to him around his birthday and this year shall be no different...

 I find him inspiring, his words invigorating, his process inviting, his courage overwhelming. He's not a perfect person nor did he deal with matters perfectly, and yet I found his path and his process to be as pure as he could make it. What does this mean? It means that no one is perfect - but that they attempt to aim for the best they can in each moment is about as good as it can get. With that I look to one of my favorite quotes from him:

" The means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek." 
- Martin Luther King Jr.

Photo By Allen Wyler

At so many crossroads I thought, well maybe I could do this thing for a while that isn't totally true because it will lead me to this other thing that is true down the line. But, I never could do it, and I knew it. I knew in the process of doing that thing that was somewhat untrue I would lose my my path towards the bigger truth. Life doesn't work that way, we can't break links in our life chain, to build a beautiful gold life chain in the end. We must take each step, and we must feel good about each choice we are making in the moment. We must stay true to the to the dream of authenticity in each moment, to reach the big dream. As we all know Martin Luther King had a big dream and there was no way he was ever going to come close to it unless his path was true.... and it was. It does not mean that we will be perfect, but it means that our path is pure.

The thing about the pure path is sometimes it's not the quickest path, it's definitely not the easiest path, sometimes it's not the most respected path, but it is the path that that leads us to the deepest and truest life. The way to build true confidence and respect for yourself. Only you know if you cut corners, only you know if you did that thing that was untrue to you, and therefore to those around you. Only you know.

I can tell you this: if the means you use are as pure as the ends you seek you will be rewarded. Maybe not in the moment, but in the lifetime, and definitely in the legacy. You will be rewarded with peace in your heart even if your hands are hardened from labor, a restful night's even though someone may have done you wrong, and love bursting in your in heart from being one with a true presence. Take the risk of choosing the path that is pure in each and every moment. Trust that if you do that life will take you where you need to go. The means must be as pure as the ends we seek, and let us look to Martin Luther King Jr. and his life and legacy of true guidance and inspiration in that process.

Do You Feel like a Puma in a Gerbil Cage?

Many days I feel like a Puma in a Gerbil Cage. Yes, a Puma in a Gerbil Cage. I want to run faster, love fuller, laugh harder, and climb tress. Not a Bull in a China Shop. That's different, I'm agile, I can work around things and people. A Puma in a Gerbil Cage. The spaces feel too small, the little metal wheel is not gonna cut it, and I want to roam freely. I know people do it everyday. Adhere to the rat race, drive in the traffic, do the job they don't love, spend time with people they don't like, and are numb. Sometimes I wish I could pretend it's ok, but it's not. I must be honest with myself. I only have one life and I want to live it fully.

Photo by Allen Wyler

It's hard sometimes though, society isn't set up for people that don't play by the rules, that don't follow the path laid before them. We all want to blaze our own trail. I know why people don't do it often though. It's hard and scary, and there is a big risk in the unknown. They might currently value their comfort and being accepted - over love, connection, or service, and that's totally cool. But here's the thing....

The biggest thing that people regret on their death bed is living a life that was expected of them versus a life that was true to themselves. Number One regret: Not being true to yourself. Sometimes people have lied to themselves so long they don't even know what true to themself is anymore. Truth is a muscle, you don't use it, you lose it.  I've always done what I wanted to do, even if it swung around and kicked me in the butt. But mostly it didn't, mostly it gave me more than I could have ever expected. When you live like the puma - the gerbil cage won't cut it for long, it can't, you don't fit.

When people see you don't follow the mold they start to create space for you, they create opportunities for you, they write roles for you, they think outside that box with you, they change scripts for you. Everyone wants to support something that is true, it makes them feel true and so when you are true to yourself in all ways you are ultimately helping all those around you. My plea, don't try to fit your puma (feel free to substitute eagle/elephant/tiger etc.) into any sort of cage. Be you. Be the biggest, freest, boldest, fullest, happiest, truest version of yourself you can be. Freeing yourself frees others, and then space starts to mold to you instead of you molding to it and you can run, fly, and soar.

Everyone was born to live a life they love, to do what they love, spend time with people they love, and to serve humanity in a way that's brilliant. Good is not good enough - go for Incredible. Let the Puma run.

Who's Your Mother?

 I would like to acknowledge the role of mothers. I have not yet chosen to be a mother myself, and yet as an artist the past several years I have found some young mom roles coming my way. I found slowly but surely these roles not fully engaging me, as I thought they might. I had to sit with it and think about why. Why am I not interested in playing some of these roles, a mother is one of the greatest positions that one could take in this life. I looked at what I was being asked to do in these roles. I would like to share with you four major things that I have learned about being a mother from auditioning for or being cast in mom roles.

1. Cry it is the most reasonable response to any situation
2. Scream your child is about to die
3. Defer all language to the nearest man be it your husband a police or stranger and listen

4. You no longer have a name you are simply called Mom  

Photo by John Ulman

I have found in being cast in some of these roles that they are some of the harder roles I've had to play. Both with emotional conviction, without being able to flex a tremendous amount of words, and primarily being an appendage to the characters lives around you. I have yet encountered a mom role that had her own separate vision mission dreams.

I have found many of these depictions of mothers very painful  and not  fully honest. Maybe growing up I did not know my mother's full name had weight in the world, but when I googled her years later  I saw that she was a world advocate and the number one in her field globally. Her name had weight. I see my close friends going through very challenging times with children and never once have I seen them scream or defer their words to the nearest man. They don't have time, everyone else is loosing it and they are the grounding in chaos. I have seen mother's cry but generally it is after they have put their child in bed and they have a moment to release. When I see mothers working with men they fight to get their word in because they know what needs to be done with the child, for the family, and they have to be heard - they are the largest advocate. And while most moms are wonderful active listeners they have words of wisdom waiting for you when you are done spilling your guts.

So while I am in awe of mothers,  I find myself shying away from some mother roles in media these days. Let this be a call to us to show the reality of mother's strength both in front of the camera and behind . I also find when I have roles come my way that are smart, sexy, strong, and savvy characters they are almost always noncommittal and not mothers. Can we be all? Can we be smart, sexy, have a voice and be a mother? I know we can because I see it all the time with all the incredible mothers around me, I see it everyday in you mothers out there.

This message is a toast to all you mothers because I know how strong you are and how much you do. How often those little things you do are not acknowledged and also it is a plea that you are represented in reality in life, in our careers and professions, in media and artistry. And just for s**** and giggles I put a few audition tapes together of some mom rolls booked, call backed, not etc. and you will see the hilarity of these auditions... Thank you Mother's near far and wide for everything you do. I do hope to represent you more fully one day as society grows.

Mama Role Audition Sample

PS. If you want to see some great real mama stories please check out www.themamasagas.com it's the real deal representation of mothers everywhere. Thanks to my friend Saralyn Ward. Rock on Mama!