Tightening the Reigns

Photo by Allen Wyler

Boundaries...we all need them, but we avoid setting them because we hate to have people angry at us.  Many people avoid the uncomfortably of conflict and dissonance of addressing their needs or boundaries. Sometimes I have been a slow learner at this, I'm kind, I'm easy going, and I often assume people want the best for others and are always doing their best. But, you know what? Sometimes it's not the case, and what other people do is not ok, and it could hurt us or be very harmful to us.

Working with kids in prison helped me set boundaries, working with Hollywood producers helped me set boundaries...equally. But, honestly I am grateful to them, to all of them. Growing up as an only child in Ithaca, NY (rated the most enlightened city in the USA), I did not have a lot of experience setting boundaries. I didn't have to, no siblings - chill parents, chill city. Then I moved to Los Angels and was like "What is wrong with these people?!" And that's how I found my edge — thank you L.A.!

We need boundaries, because in knowing our limits we also begin to know ourselves, in being comfortable with not always having everyone around us like us, we begin to really like ourselves. It's an awesome byproduct. I'm not saying we go back to being two years old and say "No" to everything just because we are exercising our rights...just because we realize we can.  I'm saying KNOW yourself, listen to what you need, express it, assert it, and respect it...and I promise you others will respect it too. Someone close to me described it as "tightening the reigns". I loved this analogy, you tighten the reigns of how you wish for your trail to trotted on.  And, if for some reason others don't like it - let them go, there will be people  that will want the real you and all of you. You will start to feel the bliss and peace of being the true you and being with people that really love you for you, and there is nothing that is better than that. It all starts with a good old fashioned...NO... :) As a wise person from the #Me Too movement stated "Compassion, with out accountability and boundaries is enabling." So, guess what - it's not just better for you, it better for them as well as they grow on their path of love.