It was time to get her out again, Joan almost eighty seven, had been living in a residential facility for some months now. Her husband of over 60 years could no longer do the in home care for her, because her needs had become too great, but he still loved to visit often. It was never an easy task getting her out, but my folks were determined to do it.
She wanted whatever Bill was having and said that with a quickness as we sat down, two pepperoni pizzas then, and he put his hand briefly on her hand as they ordered. She ate almost an entire pizza by herself, and then munched on Bill's crust, and then managed to shovel in one of my veggie slices that I was going to take home before we left. The process left my mouth slightly ajar the entire dinner. A slice of pizza in one hand, a glass of wine in the other, slumped down so far that her chin almost hit the table. Her eyes were closed, and most anyone would think she was fast asleep. I myself has assumed she had dozed off, but then I would see an occasional chew of the jaw and an abrupt move towards a large gulp of wine that slung her head entirely back. I kept thinking how brilliant it all was, that if I could manage to nap and munch an entire pizza in the same moment I'd be ever more successful with all the freed up time.
The drive home was just as lovely and peaceful as the dinner. "Are we sleeping in the same bed tonight Bill?" She said, "No, not tonight Honey." He replied, "Ok" she said, and the drive moved on.
She reached for candy in the glove compartment...and shuffled it around. Nothing was there but the searching seemed to give her some satisfaction none the less. They said their goodbyes, and the getting out of the car process started again. As the folks brought her back inside, I sat quietly in the car with Bill. "She really seems to enjoy seeing you" I said to Bill...he smiled, and with a pause, a little whisper and a twinkle in his eye chirped..."Well, after living with someone for 63 years you develop certain affinities." I got the feeling in that moment, that that's all love really is in the end. The simple desire to enjoy having this particular certain someone around for as long you possibly can muster, and they did it as well as anyone I could imagine. That was Joans' last night out, and I for one am very grateful to have been lucky enough to have been there, I couldn't have imagined a better last night out if it was my very own. And, although it is too difficult to get her in the car anymore, she still enjoys a good glass of wine, a hearty meal, and the company of Bill in the residential home she fondly refers to as "her condo." It's nice to know the important things don't change no matter the location.
Her getting into the car was what one might imagine a small rotation of planets would be like. The core moved at a slow and consistent pace, and the arms and legs like moons and stars being swayed in particular directions by gravity far behind. Slow and steady, only meant for the patient or severely good willed, of which my folks are blessed in both. I even had time to take a walk and watch the neighborhood, only to return and find her still in half rotation before she could plop into the car with success. "Hi Bill"she says to her husband in the backseat."Hi Honey" "How are you Bill?" "Well, I went to church today. It was nice" "Oh I haven't been to church since I moved in here." "That's Ok honey, I said a prayer for you so you won't go down below." And, we drove to the restaurant.
She wanted whatever Bill was having and said that with a quickness as we sat down, two pepperoni pizzas then, and he put his hand briefly on her hand as they ordered. She ate almost an entire pizza by herself, and then munched on Bill's crust, and then managed to shovel in one of my veggie slices that I was going to take home before we left. The process left my mouth slightly ajar the entire dinner. A slice of pizza in one hand, a glass of wine in the other, slumped down so far that her chin almost hit the table. Her eyes were closed, and most anyone would think she was fast asleep. I myself has assumed she had dozed off, but then I would see an occasional chew of the jaw and an abrupt move towards a large gulp of wine that slung her head entirely back. I kept thinking how brilliant it all was, that if I could manage to nap and munch an entire pizza in the same moment I'd be ever more successful with all the freed up time.
The drive home was just as lovely and peaceful as the dinner. "Are we sleeping in the same bed tonight Bill?" She said, "No, not tonight Honey." He replied, "Ok" she said, and the drive moved on.
She reached for candy in the glove compartment...and shuffled it around. Nothing was there but the searching seemed to give her some satisfaction none the less. They said their goodbyes, and the getting out of the car process started again. As the folks brought her back inside, I sat quietly in the car with Bill. "She really seems to enjoy seeing you" I said to Bill...he smiled, and with a pause, a little whisper and a twinkle in his eye chirped..."Well, after living with someone for 63 years you develop certain affinities." I got the feeling in that moment, that that's all love really is in the end. The simple desire to enjoy having this particular certain someone around for as long you possibly can muster, and they did it as well as anyone I could imagine. That was Joans' last night out, and I for one am very grateful to have been lucky enough to have been there, I couldn't have imagined a better last night out if it was my very own. And, although it is too difficult to get her in the car anymore, she still enjoys a good glass of wine, a hearty meal, and the company of Bill in the residential home she fondly refers to as "her condo." It's nice to know the important things don't change no matter the location.
