Do you Control or Collaborate?

Life is full of twists and turns,  bends, and  unexpected surprises. Most of the time we don't see them coming. The question is do we control or collaborate with life when they do?


Last month I had a wonderful opportunity to work with  birds. I can't think of a better example of a time when I had to collaborate instead of control. You can't control what birds will do. My learning moment was when one exceptional vulture kept putting one arm out. It was a strange thing for a bird to do and it looked so unique. But instead of trying to control him I decided in that moment to collaborate and put my other arm out in the same form that he was putting his arm out. For me it was a glorious moment of collaboration  -  with an animal. I'm slowly learning to let go of my own needs and perceptions and listen to what life is giving me. I am an artist and so I almost always directly relate to art, but truly it is for anything in life. When you control you constrict and limit possibilities around you, you are afraid and you are not your fullest self. When you collaborate you are open, you're receptive and infinite possibilities come your way. I must acknowledge the photographer,  Dawndra Budd...her assistant, and everyone on this shoot was a true collaborator.

Photo by Dawndra Budd
https://www.portraitsbydawndra.com/

 I have had the privilege of watching many artists do their work and I have come to see a tremendous difference between those that control , and those  that collaborate. When one controls they are presenting something that is known and from that space it already has become stale. When you are collaborating you are present to the moment and everything becomes alive. Collaborating though  takes tremendous courage, vulnerability and risk. You cannot protect yourself or your ego, there is nothing to hide from - you just must show up, be present and respond honestly.

I can't say that I'm always full of collaboration and I am certain there many times I'm trapped in control -out of my own fear. I am practicing and learning everyday to be present, to show up to collaborate with all of life around me and to be receptive and open to the field of the unknown.  It's where all the magic happens. 

Do your problems feel too big?

     There's something I've been realizing recently, we humans LOVE problems and we love to make them big! Sometimes it's almost like it gives us something to do in this weird western world, life has gotten too easy. When my problems seem too big, I tell myself that my life has become too small. Instead of focusing on the largeness of the challenge I want to focus on the largeness of the possibility or opportunity for change coming my way, and of existence as a whole.

Gothic Basin
Photo by Valera Vulfson

    It's easy for problems to feel big when we are sitting at our desk looking at our computer. Those problems become sooo much smaller however when we step outside and look at the mountains, or the ocean, or something that is so big and so vast that everything else disappears. I smile when I recognize my smallness in the realm of the universe, it doesn't make me sad -  it excites me. And, much like watching ants marching around on an ant hill I'm reminded of the divine unseen order of things. My job is to get in flow, do my best, and let go and that's it.

    So next time a challenge or a daunting task comes your way, when the emotional pain seems way bigger than you could ever handle.... Step outside and remind yourself of your smallness in the big cosmic universe, and this problem too will find its way like bees find their way back to the hive. Make your life bigger and bigger every day and I promise you every little challenge will get smaller and smaller. And then your old habit of being drawn to the small and mundane problems will start to disappear because you will be more drawn to the excitement and challenge of this big wonderful Journey. Don't make your problems too big, make your life HUGE and all your problems will get a little easier, and a lot smaller.

Do you have Artist?

My name is Simone Bruyere Fraser, and I have Artist. I think I was first diagnosed with Artist around 11 or 12, but I showed symptoms of it as early as four years old. The hours of make believe in the backyard, the dress up costumes, the stories, the shows I'd put on, dances I made up. A lot of this could be chalked up to normal child behavior but when I was 11 or 12, I started showing serious symptoms. I would give up entire summers when other children were playing at the beach or going to gymnastics camp to write plays which I would then cast, act, direct, make sets, costumes, and write songs for. My parents were supportive, but I also think they thought it was something I wouldn't necessarily do my whole life. A funny childhood passion. I was good with many things social work, animals, communications, business. I could have done anything.

Photo by Allen Wyler

 It is believed that some of the factors that indicate if someone has artist is in their genes. Neither of my parents were artists, I thought I was immune, I too thought perhaps it was a childhood curiosity I would grow out of. But I came to realize later that both of my parents have very strong recessive artist jeans that came together to make me a full-blown artist. I should have seen the signs all along. There was that novel my dad was always talking about writing about his time as a parole officer, his fascination with Italian art, and then when certain music came on he would erupt into dancing that was exceptionally good for an older white man - everyone commented on it. And there was my mother, who I was told when she spoke globally at conferences lit up like a Christmas tree when she was on stage and her pointing at the slides looked more like enthusiastic jazz hands, she would dress in the appropriate wardrobe/costume of the country. I always knew when she would be speaking with a colleague from overseas because she would take on their specific dialect, even though she was on the phone with them from our living room. Whenever she had two seconds to draw with me when I was little she would draw unbelievable horses that looked like they could run right off the page. 

Why do I feel the need to talk about this now, because it is clear to me that I will live with artist for the rest of my life. There are times I thought that I would outgrow it, there are times I have tried to suppress the symptoms hoping that I would forget about them, and there are times that I have tried to cure it. But the truth is artist will not go away, I was born with it. Some of the symptoms of artist are very challenging and I think can leave many people who do not know about it, or who are close to someone with Artist both confused and perplexed. It can equally be just as confusing for the person living with it. I would like to bring more awareness about artist to our world and so I would like to share some of the major symptoms and common concerns/traits so that you may be aware of them when dealing with people who have artist.

Every story that you may tell them, every experience that they may have is the possibility of a great piece of art in the making. It is very common for them to blurt out, that would make a great movie after you have shared with them some treacherous story about your life. Do not take it personally, they still care they just can't help it. Similarly every person they meet becomes a character study. They watch with tremendous detail the way people walk talk and gesture. It is not uncommon for them to go home and try to mimic these things in the mirror. It is also common for artists to hop between different creative genres and often at a moment's notice. For example for someone who has spent years doing opera singing suddenly to think they are a genius photographer as well. They can't help it they think that artist relates to all creative genres, often disregarding the unique craft with each art. People with artist can have unusual eating and sleeping patterns. For example sometimes in the middle of eating a fruit salad they may look at a kiwi-fruit as if they have never seen one before in their life and then in the middle of eating bring the kiwi into the light and have an incredible urge to paint it with oil paints on a large canvas. Sleep can also offend be disrupted as artist symptoms seem to worsen between the hours of 2 and 4am. Some of their most flamboyant creations will come out at this time whether it be music, monologues, dances, or paintings. While others may tell them to go to bed they often believe that if they do not do it right at that moment all will be lost. The inspiration is no less than a direct connection to the divine and they are the only porthole to be able to transport it into the living realm to save humanity with this masterpiece. Another symptom of artist is that anything they see - they could believe they can make themselves. They go to Ikea and see shelves and believe that if they go home and also take some wood and nails they can make the same shelf, only better. It is the same with greeting cards, clothing, home decor, acting, dancing, and anything alike. Unfortunately often this is not the case and leads to some disastrous and dangerous circumstances for themselves and others. 

People with artist often struggle around situations of money either having none of it or tremendous amounts of it not knowing what to do with it until they spend it on everything and then have absolutely no money again. Hence the term starving artist as they often will give up everything for their art, and buy fancy Artist supplies instead Artist's paying rent. Artist's tend to struggle with any conventional norms and ask why more often than other people. Why should I get married, why should I buy a house, why should I work a job, there is a piece of their brain that can't compute social convention. Along with not with not Computing social convention they simultaneously over sympathize with others pain. Is very common for people with artist to see them fighting and picketing for different groups often groups that they might not even identify with naturally. Yet they are incredibly impassioned with others causes and feel that it is their obligation to fight for them. People with artist tend to overly resonate with experiences designed for children. If you are at a park and they say you must be below a certain height to go on a ride you will often find artists disregarding these rules and jumping on the ride anyway. Please be wary of inviting Artist's to your child's birthday party. If there are crafts involved they will not be able to withhold them self and they are not good with modeling sharing for the younger children. If they are working on the coloring project they will pick the color they want and use it until they are done and even then they know sharing is a good thing, they will not be able to help them self from finishing what should have been your child's art project. Lastly people with artist many show a strong and widely diverse emotional range that the majority of the population do not show. It is not uncommon to have them laughing hysterically and then if you turn around they may be in the corner crying about something from their childhood.

 Times in my life I was frustrated that I was with artist. I tried to get normal jobs hoping that they would suppress symptoms for a time, I got a Masters in Business and Communications hoping that it would cure or ease artist. It did not. Once when giving a presentation in Business School I stood right in front of the projector light that was projecting our slides to the classroom for the entire speech. I couldn't help but "find my light" and stay in it regardless if it meant the people watching had no visuals for the talk.

My Hope Is that anyone sharing in this will have a benefit in two ways. One is that if you are close to someone or know of someone who is close to someone who has artist, perhaps you can help share these signs and symptoms so they can be more well-informed of what they are dealing with one being close to someone who has artist. And the other is that if you are reading this and you are having an epiphany that you yourself may be have artist I encourage you to love it. I joke, but truly it is the most tremendous of diagnoses. I Have Artist. Embrace it because it gets worse if you suppress the symptoms they must be expressed to keep any semblance of sanity while working with this condition. And, when you do, if you do, you will experience the richest, fullest, wildest, most diverse life ever created. Where would our world be if we did not have artists boldly and honestly going where no man has gone before, and enriching humanity with these these tremendous gifts? The examples in music, dance, writing, painting, sculpture, and acting are countless. I could not be more grateful that I have artist now even on the crazy days. Art comes through the heart, and the world needs much more heart and more art.

Do You Care For Yourself?

I was in pain, the kind of pain that hurts so much you're not sure what to do with it or where to go but you want to disappear. I wanted support from a friend but at the moment no one was available. So I had no other option but to care for myself. And I did, and everything changed in that moment. I saw myself more clearly, and when I had a question in my mind I responded with compassion. I listened to my pain, and held myself. I saw myself from the outside looking in, saw how much I was doing, how strong I was, and gave myself kindness like a good friend would. In that moment - I finally understood self care.

Self Care
Photo by Pete Ambrose

Do you Care for Yourself? What if  you loved  youself? What if you woke up and looked at yourself in the mirror with eyes of tenderness? What if you listened to yourself when you felt something needed to be said.? What if  you cried if you felt it and laughed when you meant it and said something only when it was real.  What if you said no, what if you held your  boundaries because those soft edges of your tender soul are all that you have to protect it. I no longer wanted to betray me.

What if I let the values of society family friends melt away and saw simply what I valued? What if they didn't match? What if I stood my ground and took myself on romantic dates. What if I showed you my true self my deepest self and you didn't love me. I might cry but then it would be okay because I finally really and truly knew myself, and then I loved and cared for myself and that was more than enough. I'm not just talking about brushing and flossing before you get go to bed, but sometimes it's a good start.

Do you take the road less traveled?

Photo by Allen Wyler

Is your mind your friend?

I woke up and had a dark heavy feeling on my shoulders and could barely get out of bed. When I did get up I looked out the window and I felt like sobbing. I didn't understand - this was not like me at all, I normally get so excited to wake up and be alive. I look out the window rain or shine and see the beautiful trees mountains, water, birds and I'm excited to be alive. But, this day felt terribly different, and it was even my day off - a day just for me. I called my amazing man and he came over and sat with me and asked me to tell him how I was feeling. I started to tell him, and then we both realized the same thing at the same time. These were not my feelings, these were the feelings of the character that I had been playing for months. She was in challenging circumstances, and she was traumatized. And that's when I realized my mind had been trained.

Photo by Dawndra Budd
https://www.facebook.com/photographybydawndra/

Fortunately after a good breakfast and a little decompression all started to come back into balance, but I became very aware of something in that process. I started to watch my own thoughts, and observe what my mind was telling myself and how it affected how I felt. Normally my natural mind is my supporter and my friend. I look at the world and see good things, and I'm grateful, and that makes me feel good. 

I have become deeply aware of thoughts since that experience.  Character work is hard, and it makes you compassionate for what other people feel on a daily basis. I will never forget that feeling, it was dark and long like I was living at the bottom of a deep tunnel. It was awful and I had trained the pathways in my mind to go there even when they didn't have to . I had a realization, and thought of all the people in the world who through no fault of their own have probably trained their mind to not be their supporter. I'm sure it is even more difficult through traumatic experiences, or chemical imbalances.

How does this pertain to you? I ask, do you feel good? If you do not feel good, that it could be that your mind has been trained to tell you things that don't feel good. They are things that are probably not even true. Observe your thoughts, don't judge them just observe them. And see if they make you feel good or not. And if not, gently a little at a time try to shift your thoughts into telling you things that make you feel wonderful. If you need the help of a therapist or a friend that is okay sometimes we all do. Make your mind be your best friend and supporter, so you can feel good and be your best you. When your mind is trained to be your friend, it will listen so your heart can share.

For Love.

Photo By Dawndra Budd
www.photographsbydawndra.com/

Is Your Path Pure?

I love Martin Luther King Jr. I always have. As I look back on blogs past, I almost always have something related to him around his birthday and this year shall be no different...

 I find him inspiring, his words invigorating, his process inviting, his courage overwhelming. He's not a perfect person nor did he deal with matters perfectly, and yet I found his path and his process to be as pure as he could make it. What does this mean? It means that no one is perfect - but that they attempt to aim for the best they can in each moment is about as good as it can get. With that I look to one of my favorite quotes from him:

" The means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek." 
- Martin Luther King Jr.

Photo By Allen Wyler

At so many crossroads I thought, well maybe I could do this thing for a while that isn't totally true because it will lead me to this other thing that is true down the line. But, I never could do it, and I knew it. I knew in the process of doing that thing that was somewhat untrue I would lose my my path towards the bigger truth. Life doesn't work that way, we can't break links in our life chain, to build a beautiful gold life chain in the end. We must take each step, and we must feel good about each choice we are making in the moment. We must stay true to the to the dream of authenticity in each moment, to reach the big dream. As we all know Martin Luther King had a big dream and there was no way he was ever going to come close to it unless his path was true.... and it was. It does not mean that we will be perfect, but it means that our path is pure.

The thing about the pure path is sometimes it's not the quickest path, it's definitely not the easiest path, sometimes it's not the most respected path, but it is the path that that leads us to the deepest and truest life. The way to build true confidence and respect for yourself. Only you know if you cut corners, only you know if you did that thing that was untrue to you, and therefore to those around you. Only you know.

I can tell you this: if the means you use are as pure as the ends you seek you will be rewarded. Maybe not in the moment, but in the lifetime, and definitely in the legacy. You will be rewarded with peace in your heart even if your hands are hardened from labor, a restful night's even though someone may have done you wrong, and love bursting in your in heart from being one with a true presence. Take the risk of choosing the path that is pure in each and every moment. Trust that if you do that life will take you where you need to go. The means must be as pure as the ends we seek, and let us look to Martin Luther King Jr. and his life and legacy of true guidance and inspiration in that process.