Equality...

The need to feel better then anyone or anything else, comes from a false fear that you could somehow be less then anyone or anything else... it's not possible. We're all made from the same damn stuff so let us move on with more important matters.

Standing in Awe...

I'm not sure that life notices my presence. I see an animal, touch the leaves of a tree, gaze at the stars... and it seems to smile but continue in the same fashion of always changing and always staying the same. Forever in motion and forever at rest. The eternal now. I'm not sure that it notices me anymore then it notices itself. There is a genuine unself-consciousness to real living in the deepest sense of the word. It just is. For that reason I'm not sure that life is particularly amazed by me, and that makes me chuckle, and feel giddy...it feels good to be able to disappear, to be invisible and for awhile become a small fragment of the universe. Life may not be amazed by me, but I'm amazed by it, and that's more then enough for me.

Rules...

Give me a rule, and i'll find a way to bend it...right before I break it...

Create your own rules. The only limits on life are the ones you set for yourself.

Intimacy...Into-me-see

I've been noticing something interesting recently regarding intimate relationships...there are four different types of groups in intimate relationships. Those that treat those that are closest to them the worst, take them for granted, and abuse the stability of the relationship. Those that treat people better, and more important the closer that the relationship is. Those that treat everyone unilaterally bad or disrespectful, and those that treat everyone unilaterally good, and like they are important. I know which category I fall into, and I know why. The closer I am to someone, the more attention and respect they get from me. I like to know who someone is before I give them my time and energy, I like to see and understand their character first, and once they have proven to me that they are of quality I will do anything for them.

I have noticed a lot of people in Los Angeles that treat those closest to them horribly, and go way out of their way for strangers. This for me is a red flag, and smells of megalomania. They want to gain the affection and attention of new people all the time, but once someone has been won over already, and is a friend they have lost interest. There is also the person to treats everyone poorly, which basically reflects the lack of love they have for themselves, sad but true. And, those that treat everyone with love, respect, and kindness. This is a beautiful thing, and something that the Dalai Lama talks about. Treat everyone as if they are an old and dear friend. I am working towards this, and do it in some cases, but I'd like to do it even more...we're all one. Just love.

Think. Why say it?

Why would we speak poorly of others? It's a backwards way of complimenting ourself. Tisk...a waste of time and a waste of energy. If you have a problem with someone bring it to them, and the rest can be left unsaid.

"The kind of behavior that really is spiritual practice consists of refraining from falsehood and abiding by the truth, neither humiliating nor mocking others, being humble, and having a good heart and helping others."

-Dalai Lama

A note on giving...

“Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime”—Author unknown

The true secret of giving... give in places where the gift you have given will take on a life of its own.

Dying to Live.

Finding something I'd die for has been entirely liberating...

it also happens to be the same thing I wake up and live for...

it's like the Costco of all personal meaning...and everyone loves a one stop stop.

Flatter me baby...

There's a big difference between being flattered and being loved...

Recently I had a chance to spend time with some very good friends of mine, people I know from when I was a kid, and I noticed something very unique about the time when I was with them. I felt totally and completely loved and adored but not flattered in the slightest. They laughed at me, gave me a hard time about all of my quirks, finished my sentences, and even put me in my place when I got out of line. It felt so good, so real, so true, and so loving. I realized living in LA I get flattered a lot. Told I am so amazing in some form or another, but very rarely am I called on my shortcomings...and believe me there are a lot of them...but usually it's because the love doesn't go that deep. There is nothing wrong with a genuine compliment, but many times a flattering statement is a way to also manipulate someone into getting them to do something you want them to do. Soo pay attention to the difference and make sure that your ego doesn't get sucked up into flattery disguised as love...there is nothing better then keeping it real.

Do not cross this line.

Boundaries. Set them. They are important. You can only be as good to other people as you are to yourself...and in the end other people will thank you for being honest and standing in truth.

I love to love, I love to care, I love to help, but I can only give to others what I have given to myself. We are all one. If someone is upset with you for setting certain boundaries then they will either have to grow up, or they will go away. Either way, the truth must be know to everyone and it will create a certain bar for the type of loving people and situations you want surrounding you. In the end remember you are not doing other people a favor by allowing them to hurt you in any fashion, for how we treat and relate to others is only a reflection of how we treat ourself

Follow that pattern!

Pay close attention to the patterns in your life...

They are like small finger prints showing you the key to the gates within.

If the same things keep happening to you over and over in your life then it might be worthy to recognize that the pattern is inside you, and changing the circumstances will not change the outcome.

If you love the patterns, great! If not, get things right within and the rest will easily fall into place.

Truth cuts like a knife.

Now and then I spend some time down on skid row working with homeless people. Skid row has the largest homeless population in LA and there is a wonderful group of people through The Jonah Project (www.jonahproject.org) that do amazing work and out reach down there...

I always try to take some time when I am there to really talk to some of the homeless people. I spoke to one homeless man for quite awhile, he was fairly quiet and unassuming, but was ready and willing to have a conversation when it was opened to him. We chatted in and out, and sometimes we would get interrupted by other people, and he would watch me try to be socially graceful and answer someones question, or hug someone when they went to say goodbye. I turned back to him and said "I'm sorry, what were you saying?", and he looked at me and said, "you know you look all nice and sweet and easy like, but really you tough as nails...but you know sometimes you play stupid, like you don't really know what's going on, and that ain't true. You smart, but you play stupid, and you know exactly what is going on, so don't play stupid." And when he said that to me, it cut right to my core, because I realized he was right.

Maybe it's a woman thing, maybe it's a me thing, maybe it's a not wanting to hurt other peoples feelings in certain situations. But, he called it, and he was dead on...and I think I have probably done that to make things easier, to avoid discomfort in others and therefore myself. I don' t think I will do that as much anymore, and maybe it takes a man who has lost everything, to realize he has nothing to loose by just calling it like he sees it. To him I offer a deep thank you.

Up and Growing...

I think I started to become a woman when:

I became more interested in seeing and loving the world,

then having the world see and love me. This is a life long

process of course and I still have a lot more work to do...

Silence Please!

Never underestimate the importance of silence in your life.

Talk a little less, say a little more...the ways of communicating are infinite.

Making it Known...

There is an obsession with being known in Los Angeles, and in our society as a whole. People want to have everyone see and pay attention to everything they do. I am particularly fascinated by this phenomena on the internet, but it goes in all areas of life. The desire to be seen and to "make our mark" makes us feel that things in our life will be less temporary and that perhaps the thing we call the self may be frozen in glory forever. But, in the end it is rather silly because some of the greatest things in life are utterly unknown by most.

The most glorious moments in my life were sacred moments when something happened that was so profound and I, or just a few others, were the only ones there to witness it. Some of the most amazing people I have met most people don't know because it was not their priority to be known, they were learning about the world, helping others, saving something, studying something grand. In fact, to be honest...some of the most well known "things", "people", "items", when I encountered in person at a closer glace were embarrassingly horrific. I almost felt sorry for them. It appeared that they were shallower then deeper, and they gave $10 to something and spent $100 promoting the fact that they gave $10. There is nothing wrong with fame, nothing wrong with promoting a cause or a vision, this is all very noble. But, let us not forget that the value or worth of something has nothing to do with whether it is known by others or not. Remember to look for the hidden gems in life, all magical things not yet discovered....

Personal Assistance...

The relationship between the Hollywood type and the "assistant" is a funny one. They love them, can't get enough of them, can't get enough people to do enough random tasks for them in their everyday life. After I had been in LA a few months I was taken back by this anomaly, it seemed that every friend I made, every date I went on they would start a sentence with "my assistant." I thought about my mother who runs a large organization and asked her one day..."mom, how many assistants do you have?" she paused, and thoughtfully said "you mean personal staff?" My parents, so amazing, my mom has had people helping her accomplish millions tasks for years and never once did I ever hear her utter the term "my assistant".

Again and again I say "trees full of fruit bow low...."

There is nothing wrong with assistance, having people help you accomplish a valued mission, or goal, we need help from each other and that is beautiful....but let us not forget the point of the help...not to enhance our status, but as synergy to be able to give more to the world. I've realized now, after spending a few years in LA, that there are many things in my life I will always do with my own two hands...nothing brings me greater joy then to re-pot a plant, hang dry some laundry, cook a home made meal, or walk a dog in the park. Some assistance is necessary, but some things just keep life real and pure and are important to enjoy for your self.

California Car-ism...

A few weeks ago my car window was smashed out in front of my home. Odd, to say the least. I live in a nice and peaceful neighborhood, don't have any terrible enemies (that I know of), and nothing was taken from my car...

I left the car unfixed for over a week after the window was smashed out, I think I was in shock, and also decided in its own way it was kinda comical. People in Los Angles love their cars, an extension of their external self, I wasn't bothered that much, my car is not a place that I hold much personal value (to put it mildly). The window being smashed out, however, definitely took it to a whole nother level. I left the glass in the back seat, the side mirror had fallen off, just road around with the window busted out...sometimes I would dress up real nice if I were going out and valet at a hot joint just for fun...the looks of awe and confusion were amazing...

A stick to California Car-ism: let us never take ourselves or our situations to seriously...I think the lesson for me in this one was a whole new level of non-attachment to perception, my own or anyone else's...fixed the window this week, fine during the day, a little chilly at night... ; )

The not-so-public Library...

I'm a big fan of libraries...always have been...always will be. I happened to mention to a friend the other day that I was going to the library, and they were like "what!? no one goes to the library." And, the sad part is, that is not true at all. The library is filled with people; what she meant to say is that no one who is not homeless goes to the library...

I show up to the library a little before it opens to pick up a book I put on hold. I'm excited. In the doorway there are several homeless men sleeping with their shirts off, basking in the sun. The doors open, they get up and head towards the computers, or the bathroom, or the drinking fountain, either way I am happy that the library is open to them, and to me...

Here is the thing about the library...you can get any book, CD, DVD, and tape you want. Anything. If they do not have it at that branch, then they just order it to that branch for you.
Secondly, it's all free. FREE! Third, you can re-new most items to be able to use them for more time. Fourth, you are helping the environment by not printing out more books. Save the planet! And, last but not least, you are not cluttering your home up with more junk you that will just throw out in a few years anyway. So, my plea for those in Los Angeles and everywhere...go...get a book, connect with all types of people, and support your public library. It's an amazing facility.

A note on humility...

I once read in a book that "trees full of fruit bow low"...

I don't think much more needs to be said on this matter.

Blissful Depression...

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a book on the sequential stages of grief which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They are commonly referred to as the "grief cycle. "

Although she was referring to stages of physical death, it seems the same feelings apply to emotional and/or spiritual deaths as well. My experience has been that if I fully go though a depression all of these feelings are processed. However, it is hard...very hard...the more common tendency is for people to get stuck in denial, anger, or bargaining...maybe hit depression, not want to feel it, and go back to denial and anger before they ever get to the glorious stage of "re-birth", and acceptance. Depression does have a purpose. It often occurs during stages of letting go, change, and growth. So here's my plea...don't run from depression, but also don't get stuck in it. Find its' purpose, knowledge and growth, and move through it. Get support if you need it, and I promise you will find deeper peace, more meaning, and blissful understanding on the other side.

"Right Sizing" our lives...to help others "Live Right"...

Let's talk about possessions. Those things that we own, we buy, and become a part of our identity. They define who we are in the world because we think they are a part of us. This car makes me look like this, this house says this about me, this coat, even these sunglasses make some sort of comment about what my value or status is in this world...especially in Hollywood!

I would like to ask the Urban Samurai in the world to shift their thinking about these "things" just a bit. You are not what you have or what you own. Done. Period. Bottom line. You are just you, and nothing will ever make you more or less then what you already are...a beautiful soul living an amazing life in this unbelievable world.

That said, I'm starting a movement called the Urban Samurai Movement...where we "Right Size" our lives to help others to "Live Right". Most people know I'm not a fan of having many possessions, abhor buying things, and basically try to stick with only what is needed. I have actually noticed it makes me happier, makes me feel closer to my authentic self, and keeps things simple and worry free in my life. I would like to make it "cool" to own as little as possiable...

Recently I have been helping friends of mine sell things that they don't need on Craig's List, and having the proceeds go to an organization which helps orphans around the world get off the streets, and live the life of their dreams. For example: you don't need that coffee table in your garage? Sell in on Craig's list for $100 to someone who does need it. Have them donate on-line to a non-profit (in my case www.constantinachildren'sfoundation.com) get a receipt that the money went through, and have them pick up the item. This is tax-deductible for them, clears physical and emotional space for you, and feeds 4 to 6 children in a third world country for a month.

Pretty cool, huh? And don't worry my friends...I will always love you even if you are without a thing...perhaps I can love you even more because you will have more space to love... ; )

God is Sexy...

An oxymoron only from a quick glance.

God IS sexy...the source of all creation...

What could be sexier then that?

The Ultimate Samurai

"We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do absolutely anything with nothing. " - Mother Teresa

Don't even get me started on Mother Teresa, it will never end, this woman rocks the world.

Urban Samurai: Helping the over-privileged since 2010

Hollywood: one of the wealthiest and most over-privileged communities in the world...with some of the most unhappy people. Why? Something that I have often tried to understand. Why people who have so much seem so sad, often die at young ages, have trouble in relationships, can't sleep, can't eat, need all types of pills to get by on a daily basis, and often suffer from terrible depression. And, why is is that every time I go to an "impoverished" or third world country I come back inspired by theirs hearts, their depth, their community, their work ethic, their dreams, their love, their hope.

Rich or poor we all need something more...what is that more? A purpose, a passion, a meaning, a way to contribute, a way to progress, a way to feel connected to others, love, peace...a way to help the world become a more noble place. Impoverishment has many faces, be aware of all of them, and make a commitment to true fulfillment. True peace comes from the inside and we must seek to feed people in the core of their soul as well as in the core of their belly.

Samurai Sword

"The samurai sword is only as powerful as its' master...."

Harness your thoughts and use the power of your divine will to
align with universal truth to create anything and everything.

Standing in the face of fear

Fear. Find it. Find what you are afraid of and run towards it. Embrace it and make it your friend.

Spiritual Anger

Anger. It is a difficult thing to deal with, and it has no easy answers. That is why I feel the need to talk about it. The question is do people that are "spiritual" and try to be loving ever get angry? I think that the answer is yes yes and yes...of course. We all get angry, and should get angry...anger is a healthy emotion and is telling us something. I think the question is not so much do spiritual people get angry but how they deal with anger. The past few weeks I have been feeling quite a bit of anger, which is uncommon for me. Sometimes it's at certain people or situations, sometimes it's in the middle of the night for no reason at all. And, I've been thinking to myself good lord! What is all this about? Anger has many messages, but I think that its biggest message is "hey, something is not right here, and my boundaries are being crossed!."

Boundaries can be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual...so it can be a sticky thing to uncover, and sometimes it is anger at yourself for not doing something or being something and sometimes its anger at others. SO with anything just look at it first, ask yourself what is going on that is crossing your boundaries. Then, address it. If it is something that is within you then make the changes that you need to get to a place where you are not angry, and if it is with someone else then address it with them. But, truthfully, it is best done in a simple and direct manner that doesn't need any type of outburst or abuse. The Dali Lama has one of my favorite quotes on anger, when asked if he ever gets angry he said "yes, of course" and they said, "well, what do you do" and he responded..."I watch it come, I watch it go." This is so wise because first he is taking a moment to look at it. Second, he is not taking action from a place of anger. I am sure that if something needs to be said or done he does it, he just doesn't do it from a place of anger. I think that anger used justly as an Urban Samurai might do, can be used for personal and planetary power, or what one might call "a fire in the belly." Because I am still riding the words of MLK from last week I shall end with another quote of his. But, to conclude, listen to your anger...learn from it...allow it to be transformed into truthful powerful action of growth and love.

"One of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been contrasted as opposites—polar opposites—so that love is identified with a resignation of power, and power with a denial of love…. What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and that love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love."

- Martin Luther King Jr.

To Blog or not to Blog

Anyone that knows me knows I avoid technology at all costs. Phones, internet, texts, face book, all of it. I'd rather be running through some field talking to birds and squirrels. And now I start a blog... something that always seemed totally self indulgent and basically a waste of time. So why? because after some thought I think it is what an urban samurai would do. Attempting to connect with others for a divine and profound purpose in a modern way... this is my intent anyway...we can't avoid the way the world is changing, nor should we, but we can seek to use it for common good...use it for a specific intention...and to hope in some small way my thoughts and others thoughts may help each other to live beautiful fulfilling lives...

ps. i tried to post this earlier and instead it ended up as comments to my own posts, case in point, I'm still failing forward as I learn about communication over technology.

Happy MLK...

Riding on the back of the celebration of Martin Luther King's Birthday yesterday...I would like to talk about a quote of his that I love....

The means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

I find this to be particularly pertinent when seeking to do any form of service in the modern world. So often people start a business, school, politics, art, with the intension of doing good work, making a contribution only to find it harder and harder to make those choices on a daily basis. Little things happen every day that challenge our heart, our purity, and our integrity, and sometimes we think well, if I just do this now then I will be able to do all the good stuff I want to do down the line and make up for it, but it never works that way. Never. When you cut little corners in any fashion, or do things that you know are not true to your heart along your path, they are like chinks in a chain that becomes weaker and weaker with time. I have had this challenge put in front of me several time with prestigious jobs where I had great connections, and great money, and thought if I just work here a little while I can build up enough assets to do the type of philanthropic work I want to do, only to realize that every day in some small way I would be compromising my heart and my values and also not strengthening my heart and my values by being around a community that had a similar vision. We must fight the good fight all the time, every day, and the small things are as important if not more important then the big things because they create your center, your strength, and your character. The former eats away at your soul and slowly pulls your vision off your original path, and the ladder build momentum slowly but surely as you find strength and confidence from fighting the good fight every day and hopefully finding kindred spirits along the way that and willing to fight that fight with you. A small group of clear and determined individuals with pure and untainted hearts are in fact the only people that have ever really done anything of value in this world. To give you one more glorious quote of support from MR. MLK...don't worry...have faith that truth does prevail.

Fear knocked at the door, faith answered, no one was there.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Happy Birthday Mr. Martin Luther King Jr.

What is a spiritual life anyway?

That is the question...I don't know for certain but I know what I feel. I think it has something to do with living a life that is congruent with serving a purpose that is larger then your individual self. Doing what you know to be right, true, and loving in all circumstances especially when it is difficult. Not thinking about how what you do will percieved by others in terms of ego gradification, but only in terms of if you are making a greater contribution to society. It is allowing your small self to be swallowed by your larger self to do something profound, unique, and noble. We all know those examples Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jesus, Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa and many others. It is easy to be supports of them now, at a distance, when everyone agrees what they did was needed, but it is always so much harder to be a person in those times and those situations. Gandhi, MLK, and Jesus were all killed for starters, Mandela spent 17 years in prison with horrific torture and Mother Theresa spent much of her life in what she called a spiritual darkness not knowing if god was still with her while she continued her work in the poorest slums in India and near starvation and sickness herself due to lack of provisions.

So this begs the question what is an Urban Samurai? I believe it is someone who seeks to live for a more noble cause regardless of the circumstances and the cost. I don't think that we warriors must always suffer, that is not my point, but to be noted that sometimes you do suffer when you fight for something outside the norm...but the suffering is far less great then knowing that you are not doing what you need to do. What you are called to do. If you are making progress and pushing for change that makes people uncomfortable because it threatens their self and what they know to be true. So check yourself, make sure you are living the big dream and not the small dream...and that every action is congruent with the larger self of love and transformation.

The Home Needs Fixin

I left the castle I lived in for three years in the Hollywood Hills last month. It was a magical place, and I left for a variety of different reasons, but one of them was that the house needed work done on it and the army of construction workers and insane sounds were starting to disturb my peace...so I moved into a lovely home in Topanga Canyon, quiet, peaceful, near the ocean, and hiking. It was perfect...until the home owners decided that this house needed work done. The men raced in, the house was wrapped in plastic, there were no doors on my room, new floors were being put in. It was basically my worse nightmare, and ten times worse then the construction I had left at the castle. I stayed with friends for a few days, and cried for what was wrong with me that a team of construction workers were following me where ever I went. Then I remembered a story I was told by a monk when I was living at a monastery in Mount Shasta. He told me when he first joined the monastery everyday the master he was training under asked him to change rooms, it drove him crazy especially because he didn't ask any of the other monks to move....just when he would start to get settled in the master would kindly ask him to move to another location. He kept doing it so finally the young monk began to tolerate it, then he accepted it, then he didn't mind it, then he even looked forward to what room he would get next. Then the master decided he that he didn't need to change rooms anymore because it no longer bothered him. Ahhh...

I came home the other day and looked at the nice new floors, and rocked out to the loud music being blasted by my new friends that were doing construction, asked questions about how they did what they were doing, and joked that we could check our email while sitting on the toilet because all the computer stuff was sitting in the bathroom. What a time saver! Alas, maybe the homes did need fixin but I think the real fixin was the home on the inside. Find the center in the storm, find peace in chaos. That's the real task.

It is easy to be at peace when there is nothing to disturb your peace, it is hard to be at peace when a team of people are there disturbing it. But, that is the way of the Urban Samurai... ; )

Urban Samurai Life

This is the beginning...the beginning of what I'm not exactly sure...

but something spectacular is happening I can feel it urban Samurai.