Recently I have been observing the role of roles. I have always run from being stuck in any form of role in my personal life. It felt confining, constricting, restricting, un-freeing, and un-natural. And, yet as an artist, I am often called to play different roles, parts, and characters. I personally though have never viewed these characters as roles, I simply felt them as different parts of myself that I was letting come to the surface. I am currently playing a character who I simply can not deny that she lives and thrives in her roles. I looked at it many different ways and when I came back to it over and over I saw the truth. She is a Wife. She is a Mother. She is a Daughter, and she Wants to be. She thrives in these Roles. I resisted, I persisted, I insisted that she is not only that at first, and then I thought, why am I judging "only that" she is an embodiment of love, and that is everything. She does not know herself without giving and receiving love to others and that is incredible. As I looked deeper, I didn't find a woman caught in "de-selfing" in the classic term of loosing oneself to others. I found a woman who knows herself most in love, and therefore her "roles" are not bound in fear but choices that go way beyond the self. The choices to take pride in these roles come from the utmost commitment and strength. The deeper I went in this direction, the deeper I felt her. Freed when she caressed her child, elated in the arms of her lover, and humbled to the wisdom of her mother. Yes, we do not want to get stuck in "a role" and in defining ourselves by others, yet at the same time...I was growing. There is a freedom in the form, fuel in the love, peace in the commitment, and a healthy relinquishing in the roles. I was in love with love. When you love your family so much that it feels like your heart is beating outside of your body it is tremendously scary, and vulnerable - but also your heart has expanded. It was humbling, I had much to learn from her. There is a role of roles, I suppose, when we choose them with love.
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| Photo By Julia Nardin Virgilia from Coriolanus: Fight like a Bitch |
