Is that a tissue in your pocket?

I was standing at a bus stop. It was cold. It was raining. I needed a tissue. I looked in my backpack, no tissue. My purse, no tissue. I stood there trying to snuffle myself into comfort. I looked at the restaurant across the street, maybe they had napkins I could use. I looked at my phone, the bus was supposed to come any minute, but they weren't always on schedule. I didn't dare miss it. I asked someone standing next to me for a tissue. No luck. I waited almost a half hour trying not to breath for fear all sorts of stuff would drip down my face and put me in even more agony. The bus came. I sat on the bus. I road it till I got home. I walked to my front door. I looked in my coat pocket for house keys. I found a tissue.

This is how most of us go through life. In pain, looking for what we think we need that will make us finally feel better, you already have it in your pocket. Check your own life pockets first, you may find that you already have what you are looking for.

The Non-Drinking Drunk

I don't drink. I have never really drank. It's just not my thing. It never occurred to me that this might be strange until I moved to Los Angeles. I would have to answer the question at least a hundred times at every party. "So, you don't drink?" "No" I would respond. "Are you on the wagon?" "No" "Do you want a line of coke?" "No""Here, have a joint."I'm good thanks.""Cigarette?" "No, thanks." It went on forever. And, I didn't really mind, I got used to it and still seemed to have fun partying. Friends that knew me well began to understand my way a bit. While living in Laurel Canyon my nick name became naturally stoned, and when we would end our epic parties quite often I was the last one on the dance floor bouncing around like a bunny. My friends began to tell people that I didn't drink because I didn't need to, I was drunk on life, that is as good a reason as any I guess. Sometimes people would ask me about my parents drinking, or my religious values, it really just could not compute in their brain that it just wasn't my thing. The other day my long time friend started to offer me a nonalcoholic beer, and then he laughed and stopped himself and said, oh that's useless because you just don't like the taste. And, it's true. I don't really like the taste of alcoholic beverages, I am told they are acquired, I never really felt like acquiring it. I like carrot juice, when I drink it my family laughs at me. Carrot juice is really good, I wish I would remember to bring it to parties. I seem to relax and party just fine with out alcohol. A family member once mentioned something to me about it being about too many calories and that's probably why I avoid it, I think I was eating my third plate of cannelloni when he said it so my mouth was too full to refute his comment. One time someone told me that it was because I didn't like to loose control. I thought about this. But, isn't alcohol often a way to control one's own emotional state? To relax more, open up more, laugh more, avoid painful feelings. I like to let myself be wherever I am in a situation and allow my present state of being to just be what it is, to me that seems like less control, not more.  Let this be noted that I have no problem with any sort of substances, it doesn't bother me in the slightest when people I am around, or close to do these things. I think it is up to the individual to decide what feels best for their own soul.  I think perhaps I was born drunk on life and I love to be as present as possible to take it all in. The point of this is not, "to drink or not to drink", that is not the question. It is to be true to oneself regardless the reactions of others, ay, that's the rub.