There are five major forms of communication. They are: passive, passive aggressive, assertive, aggressive, and assultive. We all go from one form to another sometimes using one way more frequently then others because it is more comfortable, or convenient for us. There is no problem with this on smaller gradations on the scale. However, in more significant circumstances, and with bigger swings in communication form, it can become serious and dangerous. When I was working with kids in prison they rarely had clear assertive communication. They would swing wildly between not knowing their needs, and being very passive almost like a door mat, to being aggressive and assultive when they felt their needs were not met or their boundaries had been crossed. The aim should be towards the center. A calm assertive manner is often the best form of communication. What is assertive, and what does it look like? Calm, clear, firm, and statements that come from a place of "this is what I need for me." This is what is true for my soul. This is how I feel, this is what I need to be happy and fulfilled, and this is my opinion. There is often a desire to blame others, to assume them responsible of the things that are bothering us in our life. This is easy, but noneffective. Let us speak about how we feel to them, but let them be where they need to be, and assert our needs for us. Blame never fixes anything. It is dis-empowering, toxic, and dissolves relationships quicker then anything. We are responsible for asserting what our soul needs. Like a Samurai with a sword, use your words with clear assertiveness to carve out the life you want to live. Cut away the things that don't work and move towards the things that do.
