I woke up and had a dark heavy feeling on my shoulders and could barely get out of bed. When I did get up I looked out the window and I felt like sobbing. I didn't understand - this was not like me at all, I normally get so excited to wake up and be alive. I look out the window rain or shine and see the beautiful trees mountains, water, birds and I'm excited to be alive. But, this day felt terribly different, and it was even my day off - a day just for me. I called my amazing man and he came over and sat with me and asked me to tell him how I was feeling. I started to tell him, and then we both realized the same thing at the same time. These were not my feelings, these were the feelings of the character that I had been playing for months. She was in challenging circumstances, and she was traumatized. And that's when I realized my mind had been trained.
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| Photo by Dawndra Budd https://www.facebook.com/photographybydawndra/ |
Fortunately after a good breakfast and a little decompression all started to come back into balance, but I became very aware of something in that process. I started to watch my own thoughts, and observe what my mind was telling myself and how it affected how I felt. Normally my natural mind is my supporter and my friend. I look at the world and see good things, and I'm grateful, and that makes me feel good.
I have become deeply aware of thoughts since that experience. Character work is hard, and it makes you compassionate for what other people feel on a daily basis. I will never forget that feeling, it was dark and long like I was living at the bottom of a deep tunnel. It was awful and I had trained the pathways in my mind to go there even when they didn't have to . I had a realization, and thought of all the people in the world who through no fault of their own have probably trained their mind to not be their supporter. I'm sure it is even more difficult through traumatic experiences, or chemical imbalances.
How does this pertain to you? I ask, do you feel good? If you do not feel good, that it could be that your mind has been trained to tell you things that don't feel good. They are things that are probably not even true. Observe your thoughts, don't judge them just observe them. And see if they make you feel good or not. And if not, gently a little at a time try to shift your thoughts into telling you things that make you feel wonderful. If you need the help of a therapist or a friend that is okay sometimes we all do. Make your mind be your best friend and supporter, so you can feel good and be your best you. When your mind is trained to be your friend, it will listen so your heart can share.
