Helping Others to Help Ourself...

There was no doubt he was depressed. He was fifteen, his mom had been in prison or rehab most his life, his Dad was an alcoholic. Department of Family and Children Services took him from his home...they would release him to his Dad if his Dad did AA. His Dad refused, so he was in placement for good...owned by the state, a child left to nothing but his own devices.

He rarely smiled, I couldn't get him to do any activities. One time he asked me why I spent time at the facility. I said I wanted to "give back", to help others. He looked at me like I was crazy. "Why would you do that? Why not just live your life, and enjoy it. No one ever did anything for me, why would I do anything for anyone else?" The next day his mother's birthday came, and she was going to come visit him...he casually said to me that she was coming but he felt stupid that she was coming, and he had nothing to give her anyway.

I said, I have an idea. I grabbed a handful of guys and took them into the art supply room. "Let's make a sign for his mother, a happy birthday sign..." The boys looked at me...with sort of curious faces and then out of nowhere took off in a whirl wind of creativity. The paint was flying, hands racing, stencils rocking, ex-taggers using their vandalism skills for fine art. I watched this kids face stand there in awe as all these others kids he barely talked to help him make a sign for his mother. He was trying not to show it, but he was stoked. The sign, was beautiful, it came out something to the effect of Banky meets Monet and a homemade card.

After his mom came for the visit, he came up to me, and said "Simone, I gave my mom the sign, and she...well, she cried. I've never seen my mom cry like that before. I think she's gonna hang it up in the living room of her house or something crazy like that..." The look on his face was something I will never forget. It was as if the long winter of his life got a moment of sunshine, and he began to thaw out for a minute. The pure joy of giving to his mother, and making her happy made him feel good about himself, and made him feel valuable. It also made him forget, even for just a moment to not be angry at her, hate her, and allow her to simply be for one day.

There is no doubt that making that sign for his mother made her day, but I was more focused on him, and how the pure act of doing something good for someone else made him shine. It was a reminder of how often we focus on ourselves, our own problems and how sometimes the best way to fix your own problems is to help others on their journey and in that you find own bliss.