The Right Vibe.

Your thoughts, your body language, your energy, your vibe. Ninety percent of the cues we get from people do not come from their words, but from everything else we take in from them. There is so much information coming at us, that it would be wise to take a moment to see what messages we may be sending with or with out our knowing it - and without saying a word. Energy speaks louder then words. Pay attention to how you feel in each moment. Maybe someone is saying nice things, but you feel really bad after you spend time with them. This is something to pay attention to, maybe they are sending you a vibe that doesn't feel good or cuts down who you are. Or, conversely, maybe you spent some time with someone somewhere that felt amazing, and maybe you barely talked about anything important, but for some reason afterward you simply felt invincible. When you get your vibe right, your life will surely align all the right ways too. Your energy walks into the room before you open your mouth, and it stays in the room after you leave. It lingers, it leaves an impression, it gives a feeling, it is the real exchange. Make sure your are getting and giving, the right vibe....

The Space to be You.

I have been feeling like I need more space to be me. What does this mean? Am I not always me? I am me. However, we can all fall into traps that ebb and flow in our life, and sometimes the "me" changes and evolves. Often we have roles that we play, and we might not even realize it. This is my "boss" mode, this is my "mother" mode, this is my "husband" mode, this is my "friend" mode. There is nothing wrong with these modes or roles, and different people and situations bring out different parts of our natural selves that are authentically in us. Here's the thing though, sometimes the roles can become constricting, even if they are positive modes or roles. The hardest thing is when we change, or just feel different some days, and it may not fit into the way that our family/friends/employees/bosses see us. We can start limiting ourselves based on their perceptions, and this is dangerous. DO not be limited by other people's perceptions, even if they may be positive (and they can be negative too), they can become traps. Recognize your deepest connections go outside of roles, and see the true you regardless of the circumstances. One of the greatest gifts in life is to see to the core of someone, and to have them see you in return. Try to continually check in with your authentic self, your true voice, your present bliss in the moment to be the most fulfilled version of the current you.

Stop. What's that Sound?

                                                         Photo by Valera Vulfson

Listening. It is one of the hardest things to do, and one of the most important skills we will ever need to master. It is the third guidepost in my little book "The Eightfold Path of the Urban Samurai". Those who are wise listen. I am not saying I am wise, I am saying I work at listening. It is a life long process. Not just to people's words, but to their hearts, not just to the noises in this world, but to its beating pulse, and not just to others but to our own soul. Listening takes courage. It is a risk of being vulnerable and taking in information that may change us, may challenge what we know to be true. But, this is a must. If we walk around with blinders in our perception on and don't listen - it will simply become harder to exist in reality and grow.  Social masks and the need to be right, gets in the way of our listening. We all wear them. We get validation for false selves in this world, but when we truly listen we are forced to take the masks off if even for a second. To be able to be open to being available, to listen with everything we have is to disappear for a moment into the grand totality of life. It takes consciousness, courage, and selflessness. When we listen we learn, when we learn we incorporate, when we incorporate we become bigger, when we become bigger we grow, when we grow it is easier to make good choices, when we make strong choices we are fulfilled. Listen, it is worth the risk and the work, your relationships will thrive and your soul will soar to new heights.

Assert your Soul.

                                           Photo by Valera Vulfson

There are five major forms of communication. They are: passive, passive aggressive, assertive, aggressive, and assultive. We all go from one form to another sometimes using one way more frequently then others because it is more comfortable, or convenient for us. There is no problem with this on smaller gradations on the scale. However, in more significant circumstances, and with bigger swings in communication form, it can become serious and dangerous. When I was working with kids in prison they rarely had clear assertive communication. They would swing wildly between not knowing their needs, and being very passive almost like a door mat, to being aggressive and assultive when they felt their needs were not met or their boundaries had been crossed. The aim should be towards the center. A calm assertive manner is often the best form of communication. What is assertive, and what does it look like? Calm, clear, firm, and statements that come from a place of "this is what I need for me." This is what is true for my soul. This is how I feel, this is what I need to be happy and fulfilled, and this is my opinion. There is often a desire to blame others, to assume them responsible of the things that are bothering us in our life. This is easy, but noneffective. Let us speak about how we feel to them, but let them be where they need to be, and assert our needs for us. Blame never fixes anything. It is dis-empowering, toxic, and dissolves relationships quicker then anything. We are responsible for asserting what our soul needs. Like a Samurai with a sword, use your words with clear assertiveness to carve out the life you want to live. Cut away the things that don't work and move towards the things that do.

Mold Makers. Rule Breakers. Razor Takers. Beauty Fakers.

I was changing. I didn't care anymore about being a vision of sexy or beautiful. I didn't want to work at something or fit into something. I just wanted to be me. I had been acting and modeling for ten years, and I was over it. I knew it when I had a modeling call about a year ago. It was a call for "great body, great legs - probably mostly shots from the back, please wear short shirts." I knew I should go, the agent had me confirmed. I woke up that morning, and didn't feel like shaving my legs. I wanted to write in my journal, and read. I went to the audition. I went with about a dozen other girls, I wore my short skirt, my legs were furry.

This is when I knew I was done. I didn't want to be a model anymore, I wanted to make a mold.

I wanted to sell soul, and not sex. Or maybe I simply wanted to sell sex with soul. I wanted to be whole. The whole me, not a version, or a vision, or a perception, or a feminine idealized prison. Only to be the real me.
I was shooting a music video a few moths ago, and someone came up to me and asked me if I was a model or an actress. I was rapping in that particular video, so I said, "I am a rapper." I felt this feeling of relief and joy wash over because I realized in that moment I was able to be whole. I was allowed to have an opinion and a voice in that statement, I wasn't an object anymore, I was a subject. I was no longer devoid of an internal experience as a 2-D person, and I wanted to be beautiful and sexy again, because I was allowed to do it with my whole self. Have a voice, make a choice to be the fullest most truly beautiful authentic version of yourself possible. I promise that your internal fulfillment and joyful contentment will thank you for the truth.

For the Power of Love.

Happy Birthday Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I will look to your guidance now and always...

Dying to Live.

It is the New Year. We let the old year go, the old yuck, the big junk, the mucky funk, and put the sweet sweet memories into a file cabinet in our soul and then we let it all go. We start fresh, we begin anew. It is a small death in a way, a mini memorial in which the whole soul gets to be reborn. I believe when we learn how to die, we start to live, and we begin to live only when we have let parts of our self die. It is a life long journey of shedding the skins that don't fit anymore and stepping into larger forms, or simply different forms.

So, this 2016, let the selves go that need to go. The inner critic, the old clothing, the people that don't support the true you. Hold onto the last few bits that are authentic and let that be the foundation for the new self to be born. You will die one day, it is O.K. Let death help you remember that all you have is today. Be you.