For Love.

Photo By Dawndra Budd
www.photographsbydawndra.com/

Is Your Path Pure?

I love Martin Luther King Jr. I always have. As I look back on blogs past, I almost always have something related to him around his birthday and this year shall be no different...

 I find him inspiring, his words invigorating, his process inviting, his courage overwhelming. He's not a perfect person nor did he deal with matters perfectly, and yet I found his path and his process to be as pure as he could make it. What does this mean? It means that no one is perfect - but that they attempt to aim for the best they can in each moment is about as good as it can get. With that I look to one of my favorite quotes from him:

" The means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek." 
- Martin Luther King Jr.

Photo By Allen Wyler

At so many crossroads I thought, well maybe I could do this thing for a while that isn't totally true because it will lead me to this other thing that is true down the line. But, I never could do it, and I knew it. I knew in the process of doing that thing that was somewhat untrue I would lose my my path towards the bigger truth. Life doesn't work that way, we can't break links in our life chain, to build a beautiful gold life chain in the end. We must take each step, and we must feel good about each choice we are making in the moment. We must stay true to the to the dream of authenticity in each moment, to reach the big dream. As we all know Martin Luther King had a big dream and there was no way he was ever going to come close to it unless his path was true.... and it was. It does not mean that we will be perfect, but it means that our path is pure.

The thing about the pure path is sometimes it's not the quickest path, it's definitely not the easiest path, sometimes it's not the most respected path, but it is the path that that leads us to the deepest and truest life. The way to build true confidence and respect for yourself. Only you know if you cut corners, only you know if you did that thing that was untrue to you, and therefore to those around you. Only you know.

I can tell you this: if the means you use are as pure as the ends you seek you will be rewarded. Maybe not in the moment, but in the lifetime, and definitely in the legacy. You will be rewarded with peace in your heart even if your hands are hardened from labor, a restful night's even though someone may have done you wrong, and love bursting in your in heart from being one with a true presence. Take the risk of choosing the path that is pure in each and every moment. Trust that if you do that life will take you where you need to go. The means must be as pure as the ends we seek, and let us look to Martin Luther King Jr. and his life and legacy of true guidance and inspiration in that process.

Do You Feel like a Puma in a Gerbil Cage?

Many days I feel like a Puma in a Gerbil Cage. Yes, a Puma in a Gerbil Cage. I want to run faster, love fuller, laugh harder, and climb tress. Not a Bull in a China Shop. That's different, I'm agile, I can work around things and people. A Puma in a Gerbil Cage. The spaces feel too small, the little metal wheel is not gonna cut it, and I want to roam freely. I know people do it everyday. Adhere to the rat race, drive in the traffic, do the job they don't love, spend time with people they don't like, and are numb. Sometimes I wish I could pretend it's ok, but it's not. I must be honest with myself. I only have one life and I want to live it fully.

Photo by Allen Wyler

It's hard sometimes though, society isn't set up for people that don't play by the rules, that don't follow the path laid before them. We all want to blaze our own trail. I know why people don't do it often though. It's hard and scary, and there is a big risk in the unknown. They might currently value their comfort and being accepted - over love, connection, or service, and that's totally cool. But here's the thing....

The biggest thing that people regret on their death bed is living a life that was expected of them versus a life that was true to themselves. Number One regret: Not being true to yourself. Sometimes people have lied to themselves so long they don't even know what true to themself is anymore. Truth is a muscle, you don't use it, you lose it.  I've always done what I wanted to do, even if it swung around and kicked me in the butt. But mostly it didn't, mostly it gave me more than I could have ever expected. When you live like the puma - the gerbil cage won't cut it for long, it can't, you don't fit.

When people see you don't follow the mold they start to create space for you, they create opportunities for you, they write roles for you, they think outside that box with you, they change scripts for you. Everyone wants to support something that is true, it makes them feel true and so when you are true to yourself in all ways you are ultimately helping all those around you. My plea, don't try to fit your puma (feel free to substitute eagle/elephant/tiger etc.) into any sort of cage. Be you. Be the biggest, freest, boldest, fullest, happiest, truest version of yourself you can be. Freeing yourself frees others, and then space starts to mold to you instead of you molding to it and you can run, fly, and soar.

Everyone was born to live a life they love, to do what they love, spend time with people they love, and to serve humanity in a way that's brilliant. Good is not good enough - go for Incredible. Let the Puma run.

Who's Your Mother?

 I would like to acknowledge the role of mothers. I have not yet chosen to be a mother myself, and yet as an artist the past several years I have found some young mom roles coming my way. I found slowly but surely these roles not fully engaging me, as I thought they might. I had to sit with it and think about why. Why am I not interested in playing some of these roles, a mother is one of the greatest positions that one could take in this life. I looked at what I was being asked to do in these roles. I would like to share with you four major things that I have learned about being a mother from auditioning for or being cast in mom roles.

1. Cry it is the most reasonable response to any situation
2. Scream your child is about to die
3. Defer all language to the nearest man be it your husband a police or stranger and listen

4. You no longer have a name you are simply called Mom  

Photo by John Ulman

I have found in being cast in some of these roles that they are some of the harder roles I've had to play. Both with emotional conviction, without being able to flex a tremendous amount of words, and primarily being an appendage to the characters lives around you. I have yet encountered a mom role that had her own separate vision mission dreams.

I have found many of these depictions of mothers very painful  and not  fully honest. Maybe growing up I did not know my mother's full name had weight in the world, but when I googled her years later  I saw that she was a world advocate and the number one in her field globally. Her name had weight. I see my close friends going through very challenging times with children and never once have I seen them scream or defer their words to the nearest man. They don't have time, everyone else is loosing it and they are the grounding in chaos. I have seen mother's cry but generally it is after they have put their child in bed and they have a moment to release. When I see mothers working with men they fight to get their word in because they know what needs to be done with the child, for the family, and they have to be heard - they are the largest advocate. And while most moms are wonderful active listeners they have words of wisdom waiting for you when you are done spilling your guts.

So while I am in awe of mothers,  I find myself shying away from some mother roles in media these days. Let this be a call to us to show the reality of mother's strength both in front of the camera and behind . I also find when I have roles come my way that are smart, sexy, strong, and savvy characters they are almost always noncommittal and not mothers. Can we be all? Can we be smart, sexy, have a voice and be a mother? I know we can because I see it all the time with all the incredible mothers around me, I see it everyday in you mothers out there.

This message is a toast to all you mothers because I know how strong you are and how much you do. How often those little things you do are not acknowledged and also it is a plea that you are represented in reality in life, in our careers and professions, in media and artistry. And just for s**** and giggles I put a few audition tapes together of some mom rolls booked, call backed, not etc. and you will see the hilarity of these auditions... Thank you Mother's near far and wide for everything you do. I do hope to represent you more fully one day as society grows.

Mama Role Audition Sample

PS. If you want to see some great real mama stories please check out www.themamasagas.com it's the real deal representation of mothers everywhere. Thanks to my friend Saralyn Ward. Rock on Mama!

Free Yourself, Free the World

-Anonymous

Because I Value my Time...

Photo by Dawndra Budd
https://www.facebook.com/photographybydawndra/

 I did things that were meaningful to me because I valued my time. I spent time with my favorite people because I valued our time. I saw who you were when I saw where you spent your time. I knew what was important to you when I watched where you valued your time. Everyone always was too busy, but I always found the time because it was my time, and I could find as much of it or as little of it as I wanted because I valued my time because my time was the only thing that I had. 

I stayed with you while you were dying because I valued your time. I held you while you were in pain because I valued our time. I sat with you while you cried and I listened to you because with you I had nothing but time to kill.  No moment with you be it big or small was ever wasted time.  When I value my time everything happens in the nick of time. I said no to things I didn't want because I valued my time. I was honest about who I was because I valued our time. I let go of you when I needed to because I valued your time.  I made sure we were both getting something extraordinary out of our time because I valued our time. I realized a moment in time was all we were and so I valued it's time. I spent time with exactly who I wanted, I went exactly where I wanted, I did exactly what I wanted, and I was honest about it all because I valued my time because I valued your time because I valued our time. I always found the time for you and for everything we wanted to do because I valued you. I always found the time to do what I love because I value what I love, and there was nothing else to do with my time but what I love. I always found the time to be in this moment of time because this moment  in time is the only thing that we have and that is real.... because I value my time.

Tightening the Reigns

Photo by Allen Wyler

Boundaries...we all need them, but we avoid setting them because we hate to have people angry at us.  Many people avoid the uncomfortably of conflict and dissonance of addressing their needs or boundaries. Sometimes I have been a slow learner at this, I'm kind, I'm easy going, and I often assume people want the best for others and are always doing their best. But, you know what? Sometimes it's not the case, and what other people do is not ok, and it could hurt us or be very harmful to us.

Working with kids in prison helped me set boundaries, working with Hollywood producers helped me set boundaries...equally. But, honestly I am grateful to them, to all of them. Growing up as an only child in Ithaca, NY (rated the most enlightened city in the USA), I did not have a lot of experience setting boundaries. I didn't have to, no siblings - chill parents, chill city. Then I moved to Los Angels and was like "What is wrong with these people?!" And that's how I found my edge — thank you L.A.!

We need boundaries, because in knowing our limits we also begin to know ourselves, in being comfortable with not always having everyone around us like us, we begin to really like ourselves. It's an awesome byproduct. I'm not saying we go back to being two years old and say "No" to everything just because we are exercising our rights...just because we realize we can.  I'm saying KNOW yourself, listen to what you need, express it, assert it, and respect it...and I promise you others will respect it too. Someone close to me described it as "tightening the reigns". I loved this analogy, you tighten the reigns of how you wish for your trail to trotted on.  And, if for some reason others don't like it - let them go, there will be people  that will want the real you and all of you. You will start to feel the bliss and peace of being the true you and being with people that really love you for you, and there is nothing that is better than that. It all starts with a good old fashioned...NO... :) As a wise person from the #Me Too movement stated "Compassion, with out accountability and boundaries is enabling." So, guess what - it's not just better for you, it better for them as well as they grow on their path of love.