Do you take the road less traveled?

Photo by Allen Wyler

Is your mind your friend?

I woke up and had a dark heavy feeling on my shoulders and could barely get out of bed. When I did get up I looked out the window and I felt like sobbing. I didn't understand - this was not like me at all, I normally get so excited to wake up and be alive. I look out the window rain or shine and see the beautiful trees mountains, water, birds and I'm excited to be alive. But, this day felt terribly different, and it was even my day off - a day just for me. I called my amazing man and he came over and sat with me and asked me to tell him how I was feeling. I started to tell him, and then we both realized the same thing at the same time. These were not my feelings, these were the feelings of the character that I had been playing for months. She was in challenging circumstances, and she was traumatized. And that's when I realized my mind had been trained.

Photo by Dawndra Budd
https://www.facebook.com/photographybydawndra/

Fortunately after a good breakfast and a little decompression all started to come back into balance, but I became very aware of something in that process. I started to watch my own thoughts, and observe what my mind was telling myself and how it affected how I felt. Normally my natural mind is my supporter and my friend. I look at the world and see good things, and I'm grateful, and that makes me feel good. 

I have become deeply aware of thoughts since that experience.  Character work is hard, and it makes you compassionate for what other people feel on a daily basis. I will never forget that feeling, it was dark and long like I was living at the bottom of a deep tunnel. It was awful and I had trained the pathways in my mind to go there even when they didn't have to . I had a realization, and thought of all the people in the world who through no fault of their own have probably trained their mind to not be their supporter. I'm sure it is even more difficult through traumatic experiences, or chemical imbalances.

How does this pertain to you? I ask, do you feel good? If you do not feel good, that it could be that your mind has been trained to tell you things that don't feel good. They are things that are probably not even true. Observe your thoughts, don't judge them just observe them. And see if they make you feel good or not. And if not, gently a little at a time try to shift your thoughts into telling you things that make you feel wonderful. If you need the help of a therapist or a friend that is okay sometimes we all do. Make your mind be your best friend and supporter, so you can feel good and be your best you. When your mind is trained to be your friend, it will listen so your heart can share.

For Love.

Photo By Dawndra Budd
www.photographsbydawndra.com/

Is Your Path Pure?

I love Martin Luther King Jr. I always have. As I look back on blogs past, I almost always have something related to him around his birthday and this year shall be no different...

 I find him inspiring, his words invigorating, his process inviting, his courage overwhelming. He's not a perfect person nor did he deal with matters perfectly, and yet I found his path and his process to be as pure as he could make it. What does this mean? It means that no one is perfect - but that they attempt to aim for the best they can in each moment is about as good as it can get. With that I look to one of my favorite quotes from him:

" The means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek." 
- Martin Luther King Jr.

Photo By Allen Wyler

At so many crossroads I thought, well maybe I could do this thing for a while that isn't totally true because it will lead me to this other thing that is true down the line. But, I never could do it, and I knew it. I knew in the process of doing that thing that was somewhat untrue I would lose my my path towards the bigger truth. Life doesn't work that way, we can't break links in our life chain, to build a beautiful gold life chain in the end. We must take each step, and we must feel good about each choice we are making in the moment. We must stay true to the to the dream of authenticity in each moment, to reach the big dream. As we all know Martin Luther King had a big dream and there was no way he was ever going to come close to it unless his path was true.... and it was. It does not mean that we will be perfect, but it means that our path is pure.

The thing about the pure path is sometimes it's not the quickest path, it's definitely not the easiest path, sometimes it's not the most respected path, but it is the path that that leads us to the deepest and truest life. The way to build true confidence and respect for yourself. Only you know if you cut corners, only you know if you did that thing that was untrue to you, and therefore to those around you. Only you know.

I can tell you this: if the means you use are as pure as the ends you seek you will be rewarded. Maybe not in the moment, but in the lifetime, and definitely in the legacy. You will be rewarded with peace in your heart even if your hands are hardened from labor, a restful night's even though someone may have done you wrong, and love bursting in your in heart from being one with a true presence. Take the risk of choosing the path that is pure in each and every moment. Trust that if you do that life will take you where you need to go. The means must be as pure as the ends we seek, and let us look to Martin Luther King Jr. and his life and legacy of true guidance and inspiration in that process.

Do You Feel like a Puma in a Gerbil Cage?

Many days I feel like a Puma in a Gerbil Cage. Yes, a Puma in a Gerbil Cage. I want to run faster, love fuller, laugh harder, and climb tress. Not a Bull in a China Shop. That's different, I'm agile, I can work around things and people. A Puma in a Gerbil Cage. The spaces feel too small, the little metal wheel is not gonna cut it, and I want to roam freely. I know people do it everyday. Adhere to the rat race, drive in the traffic, do the job they don't love, spend time with people they don't like, and are numb. Sometimes I wish I could pretend it's ok, but it's not. I must be honest with myself. I only have one life and I want to live it fully.

Photo by Allen Wyler

It's hard sometimes though, society isn't set up for people that don't play by the rules, that don't follow the path laid before them. We all want to blaze our own trail. I know why people don't do it often though. It's hard and scary, and there is a big risk in the unknown. They might currently value their comfort and being accepted - over love, connection, or service, and that's totally cool. But here's the thing....

The biggest thing that people regret on their death bed is living a life that was expected of them versus a life that was true to themselves. Number One regret: Not being true to yourself. Sometimes people have lied to themselves so long they don't even know what true to themself is anymore. Truth is a muscle, you don't use it, you lose it.  I've always done what I wanted to do, even if it swung around and kicked me in the butt. But mostly it didn't, mostly it gave me more than I could have ever expected. When you live like the puma - the gerbil cage won't cut it for long, it can't, you don't fit.

When people see you don't follow the mold they start to create space for you, they create opportunities for you, they write roles for you, they think outside that box with you, they change scripts for you. Everyone wants to support something that is true, it makes them feel true and so when you are true to yourself in all ways you are ultimately helping all those around you. My plea, don't try to fit your puma (feel free to substitute eagle/elephant/tiger etc.) into any sort of cage. Be you. Be the biggest, freest, boldest, fullest, happiest, truest version of yourself you can be. Freeing yourself frees others, and then space starts to mold to you instead of you molding to it and you can run, fly, and soar.

Everyone was born to live a life they love, to do what they love, spend time with people they love, and to serve humanity in a way that's brilliant. Good is not good enough - go for Incredible. Let the Puma run.

Who's Your Mother?

 I would like to acknowledge the role of mothers. I have not yet chosen to be a mother myself, and yet as an artist the past several years I have found some young mom roles coming my way. I found slowly but surely these roles not fully engaging me, as I thought they might. I had to sit with it and think about why. Why am I not interested in playing some of these roles, a mother is one of the greatest positions that one could take in this life. I looked at what I was being asked to do in these roles. I would like to share with you four major things that I have learned about being a mother from auditioning for or being cast in mom roles.

1. Cry it is the most reasonable response to any situation
2. Scream your child is about to die
3. Defer all language to the nearest man be it your husband a police or stranger and listen

4. You no longer have a name you are simply called Mom  

Photo by John Ulman

I have found in being cast in some of these roles that they are some of the harder roles I've had to play. Both with emotional conviction, without being able to flex a tremendous amount of words, and primarily being an appendage to the characters lives around you. I have yet encountered a mom role that had her own separate vision mission dreams.

I have found many of these depictions of mothers very painful  and not  fully honest. Maybe growing up I did not know my mother's full name had weight in the world, but when I googled her years later  I saw that she was a world advocate and the number one in her field globally. Her name had weight. I see my close friends going through very challenging times with children and never once have I seen them scream or defer their words to the nearest man. They don't have time, everyone else is loosing it and they are the grounding in chaos. I have seen mother's cry but generally it is after they have put their child in bed and they have a moment to release. When I see mothers working with men they fight to get their word in because they know what needs to be done with the child, for the family, and they have to be heard - they are the largest advocate. And while most moms are wonderful active listeners they have words of wisdom waiting for you when you are done spilling your guts.

So while I am in awe of mothers,  I find myself shying away from some mother roles in media these days. Let this be a call to us to show the reality of mother's strength both in front of the camera and behind . I also find when I have roles come my way that are smart, sexy, strong, and savvy characters they are almost always noncommittal and not mothers. Can we be all? Can we be smart, sexy, have a voice and be a mother? I know we can because I see it all the time with all the incredible mothers around me, I see it everyday in you mothers out there.

This message is a toast to all you mothers because I know how strong you are and how much you do. How often those little things you do are not acknowledged and also it is a plea that you are represented in reality in life, in our careers and professions, in media and artistry. And just for s**** and giggles I put a few audition tapes together of some mom rolls booked, call backed, not etc. and you will see the hilarity of these auditions... Thank you Mother's near far and wide for everything you do. I do hope to represent you more fully one day as society grows.

Mama Role Audition Sample

PS. If you want to see some great real mama stories please check out www.themamasagas.com it's the real deal representation of mothers everywhere. Thanks to my friend Saralyn Ward. Rock on Mama!

Free Yourself, Free the World

-Anonymous