The difficult thing about spending time with kids in prison is that you have to remind yourself as much as you love them, when they are released you will probably never see them again. There was a young man that I had become quite close to, primarily because he scared me, and I love a challenge. He was the biggest kid on facility, absolutely fierce for a 16 year old and had the energy of a wild tiger pacing in the cage at the zoo...ready to pounce from over boredom and rage that had been bottled up inside of him for years. He was veracious and always asked me about traveling and the places I had been and told me where he wanted to go.
On his birthday, he was being particularly difficult as many of them are, fits of rage, throwing things, cursing people out, and he went into seclusion not talking to anyone. When I found out what was happening, I asked if I could talk to him. We sat on the stoop in silence, he didn't yell at me, but he also didn't talk. Then, after what seemed like forever he lifted his head, staring straight ahead, still not looking at me and said "I was locked up last year for my birthday, and I promised myself it wouldn't happen again." I tried not to move, not to break the flow of his speaking, and despite my stillness I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes. I thought about my own birthdays, full of family, friends, travel, loves, and how even in that fullness there could still be a sadness of being a year older and reflecting on my life and the choices I have made both for good and for hard. I can only image the pain of having none of that, being in a cell and reflecting on what got you there. He said "I want to travel, I want to get out of here a see the world, I'm gonna join the army and I'm going to see the world." "And, I looked at him and said, "You will, you will do all of that." "I'm going to go inside now" he said, and then he got up turned around and looked at me and said "Thanks Simone, I feel better." A few months later he left the facility, and I never heard a world of him.
I got a call a few weeks ago from a friend of mine who teaches drum classes in prisons, and he said "You're never going to believe who I ran into over at this other facility, I ran into your boy. He's in my drumming class." This was almost a year later, and I was in a combination of both joy to hear of his where abouts and also shock that he was locked up again at a higher security facility for a graver crime. So we made a plan for me to come visit, and surprise him.
I was standing inside a large pen of barb wire, my heart pounding, I could hear it in my ears, I was nervous, I didn't know why but I was. Then I heard it, "Is that Simone? Oh my god it's Simone!" he was walking slowly towards me in his signature limp swagger with a pearly grin and he slowly leaned in to give me a hug and cupped my back with his big hands. I stepped back to look at him, he was older, he had become a man...stiller, more purposeful. Another few other guys came up and surround me and said "oh that's Simone, I heard about you." He smiled, looked away, and seemed embarrassed maybe both that he had spoke of me, and also that there I was seeing him locked up again.
The other boys left, and then he said softly"You remembered", and I thought for a moment and said "what?" And he said, "You remembered....it's my birthday, you came for my birthday again." I paused, I hadn't remembered, of course, but there I was a year later by pure grace, loving this boy on his birthday and telling him the world needs him. When I left he hugged me and said "One day I am going to travel with you, when I get out of here" and then held my gaze while our car drove away. I'm not sure what will happen to him, he's 18 now, no longer a child in the eyes of the government, a convicted felon. But, all I know is that somethings are meant to be, and when I went home I sent him a package with every map I had and a note saying "Go see the world, it needs you."
On his birthday, he was being particularly difficult as many of them are, fits of rage, throwing things, cursing people out, and he went into seclusion not talking to anyone. When I found out what was happening, I asked if I could talk to him. We sat on the stoop in silence, he didn't yell at me, but he also didn't talk. Then, after what seemed like forever he lifted his head, staring straight ahead, still not looking at me and said "I was locked up last year for my birthday, and I promised myself it wouldn't happen again." I tried not to move, not to break the flow of his speaking, and despite my stillness I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes. I thought about my own birthdays, full of family, friends, travel, loves, and how even in that fullness there could still be a sadness of being a year older and reflecting on my life and the choices I have made both for good and for hard. I can only image the pain of having none of that, being in a cell and reflecting on what got you there. He said "I want to travel, I want to get out of here a see the world, I'm gonna join the army and I'm going to see the world." "And, I looked at him and said, "You will, you will do all of that." "I'm going to go inside now" he said, and then he got up turned around and looked at me and said "Thanks Simone, I feel better." A few months later he left the facility, and I never heard a world of him.
I got a call a few weeks ago from a friend of mine who teaches drum classes in prisons, and he said "You're never going to believe who I ran into over at this other facility, I ran into your boy. He's in my drumming class." This was almost a year later, and I was in a combination of both joy to hear of his where abouts and also shock that he was locked up again at a higher security facility for a graver crime. So we made a plan for me to come visit, and surprise him.
I was standing inside a large pen of barb wire, my heart pounding, I could hear it in my ears, I was nervous, I didn't know why but I was. Then I heard it, "Is that Simone? Oh my god it's Simone!" he was walking slowly towards me in his signature limp swagger with a pearly grin and he slowly leaned in to give me a hug and cupped my back with his big hands. I stepped back to look at him, he was older, he had become a man...stiller, more purposeful. Another few other guys came up and surround me and said "oh that's Simone, I heard about you." He smiled, looked away, and seemed embarrassed maybe both that he had spoke of me, and also that there I was seeing him locked up again.
The other boys left, and then he said softly"You remembered", and I thought for a moment and said "what?" And he said, "You remembered....it's my birthday, you came for my birthday again." I paused, I hadn't remembered, of course, but there I was a year later by pure grace, loving this boy on his birthday and telling him the world needs him. When I left he hugged me and said "One day I am going to travel with you, when I get out of here" and then held my gaze while our car drove away. I'm not sure what will happen to him, he's 18 now, no longer a child in the eyes of the government, a convicted felon. But, all I know is that somethings are meant to be, and when I went home I sent him a package with every map I had and a note saying "Go see the world, it needs you."
I have goosebumps....just sayin! Great post. :)
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