Time to get Lost...

Sometimes you gotta let it all melt away and just be...who you are....may 2015 shine bright!

http://westseattleblog.com/2014/12/west-seattle-music-alki-artists-new-year-season-video/

Don't Squeeze. Just Breath.

I recently returned from a trip from Los Angeles. It's funny that the first post for the 2014 year be after my time there, but I was reminded of something very important, a thing perhaps that I have come to take for granted in my more laid back life in Seattle. The we must value where we are, and not try to be some place we are not. This does not mean we cannot have goals, but we must somehow learn to love the process of getting towards our goals. I find that children always want to be older then they are. I am not five, I am five and three quarters. And, adults always want to be younger, I am not forty, I am thirty nine forever. We must value what we are in each moment, for that is all we have. Of course, I do recognize that this is much easier said than done,  however when in a stressful situation lets not not to squeeze and push and pinch and rush, lets try to breath into it and find a way.

I myself am guilty of pushing as much as anyone else, but I find as I attempt to mature that it is actually much more effective not to wrestle your way through life, but to ride it instead. Go with the currents, and try to guide them gently as they pull you in different directions. I am often struck by how few people really seem to enjoy the life they are living now. When I retire I will do this, then when they retire they wish they could go back to work. I can't wait for the kids to be out of the house, then when the kids leave they wish they were still at home. I can't wait till I make my millions and become a successful business person, then when they make their millions they complain about not having any time for themselves. I wish I were famous, then when they become famous they wish that people wouldn't approach them for an autograph when they go to the store to get some milk. This is insanity, the gateway to peace always being just around the corner. Every age is good if you find the good in every age, every stage of life is fun if you allow it to be, every challenge is an adventure if you let it be, every day is a joyous gift if you wake up and appreciate it. This is all I humbly ask.

Honest Mirrors

She was full of life, a spark of joy and wonder, and she hung on me like a baby bird. I adored her and she always wrote loving cards and pictures for me. One day she looked at me with the loving eyes she always does, and I expected her to say "I was her big shining star". A phrase she had said to me many times, and even written on cards, but  she calmly and non-judgmentally said "Simone, why come you never brush your hair?" I froze for a moment and realized that not only had it not occurred to me that my hair grooming was unruly, but that I wasn't even particularly sure how to answer that question. Should I be offended? Should I come up with a well constructed defense mechanism for my appearance? I didn't know. Then a flash came across my mind and I wondered for a moment if everyone close to me secretly wondered this. My physiologist parents sitting at the dining room table shaking their heads, "She has done well, but why come she doesn't brush her hair?" I was presented with an honest mirror. I realized in that second two very simple things. One, why I seek time with youth no matter what I may have going on in my life. They are very real, and the joy and humility in that makes you aware of yourself, and the world, and all things that matter. And, two, there is a part of me that likes to be slightly untamed and this is why I may unconsciously not tend to every hair on my head. I had a response for her. " Well, I like to be a little wild, like a lion with a big mane." And I took my hands and playfully swatted at her like a cat and roared. She nestled her head into my chest and then said "I still love you anyway" and with that she ran off to play. I walked home feeling a little lighter that day. I was seen for my weaknesses, it was brought to my attention, I was accepted for them, and that made me love myself and the world a little bit more. I may have even roared at an in-expecting neighbor on the walk home, just to own my new found self awareness a bit more. 

F.L.O.W.

F. L. O. W. Following Life's Original Way. Each person has a path, a unique gift, and a way towards their truth. There is a reason why you are here, and there is something you love to be and do more then anything on the planet. This is what you are supposed to do. You loose all sense of time and space when you do it, it is productive, it is healthy, it helps others. It may be a strange mix of many things, it may be linear, it doesn't matter. This is your path and your vision here on earth. Trust it, listen to it, find it. It doesn't matter if it makes sense to the world, or if it is different then what everyone expects from you. You will know when you are in F.L.O.W. if you listen to it it is quite easy, it feels like riding with the waves, sanding with the grain, sailing with the wind, running with the bulls...go get in the FLOW...

Is that a tissue in your pocket?

I was standing at a bus stop. It was cold. It was raining. I needed a tissue. I looked in my backpack, no tissue. My purse, no tissue. I stood there trying to snuffle myself into comfort. I looked at the restaurant across the street, maybe they had napkins I could use. I looked at my phone, the bus was supposed to come any minute, but they weren't always on schedule. I didn't dare miss it. I asked someone standing next to me for a tissue. No luck. I waited almost a half hour trying not to breath for fear all sorts of stuff would drip down my face and put me in even more agony. The bus came. I sat on the bus. I road it till I got home. I walked to my front door. I looked in my coat pocket for house keys. I found a tissue.

This is how most of us go through life. In pain, looking for what we think we need that will make us finally feel better, you already have it in your pocket. Check your own life pockets first, you may find that you already have what you are looking for.

The Non-Drinking Drunk

I don't drink. I have never really drank. It's just not my thing. It never occurred to me that this might be strange until I moved to Los Angeles. I would have to answer the question at least a hundred times at every party. "So, you don't drink?" "No" I would respond. "Are you on the wagon?" "No" "Do you want a line of coke?" "No""Here, have a joint."I'm good thanks.""Cigarette?" "No, thanks." It went on forever. And, I didn't really mind, I got used to it and still seemed to have fun partying. Friends that knew me well began to understand my way a bit. While living in Laurel Canyon my nick name became naturally stoned, and when we would end our epic parties quite often I was the last one on the dance floor bouncing around like a bunny. My friends began to tell people that I didn't drink because I didn't need to, I was drunk on life, that is as good a reason as any I guess. Sometimes people would ask me about my parents drinking, or my religious values, it really just could not compute in their brain that it just wasn't my thing. The other day my long time friend started to offer me a nonalcoholic beer, and then he laughed and stopped himself and said, oh that's useless because you just don't like the taste. And, it's true. I don't really like the taste of alcoholic beverages, I am told they are acquired, I never really felt like acquiring it. I like carrot juice, when I drink it my family laughs at me. Carrot juice is really good, I wish I would remember to bring it to parties. I seem to relax and party just fine with out alcohol. A family member once mentioned something to me about it being about too many calories and that's probably why I avoid it, I think I was eating my third plate of cannelloni when he said it so my mouth was too full to refute his comment. One time someone told me that it was because I didn't like to loose control. I thought about this. But, isn't alcohol often a way to control one's own emotional state? To relax more, open up more, laugh more, avoid painful feelings. I like to let myself be wherever I am in a situation and allow my present state of being to just be what it is, to me that seems like less control, not more.  Let this be noted that I have no problem with any sort of substances, it doesn't bother me in the slightest when people I am around, or close to do these things. I think it is up to the individual to decide what feels best for their own soul.  I think perhaps I was born drunk on life and I love to be as present as possible to take it all in. The point of this is not, "to drink or not to drink", that is not the question. It is to be true to oneself regardless the reactions of others, ay, that's the rub.    

Gold Digger

We drove in the car after he had treated me to lunch. We began to speak of travels. "Well, you're an attractive lady" he said,"I'm sure lots of gentlemen have taken you on nice trips." I froze. I literally didn't know what to say, I had no comprehension or understanding of a statement like that whilst in the middle of speaking about worldly exploration, a thing I am so passionate about. I should have let my serpent tongue come out and spilt him in two. I said nothing at first because I was in shock. It was as if I was speaking of the magic of the universe and why I love to discover it, and in a swift statement he had called me a high class hooker somewhere in the middle.  I gathered my thoughts. "There are many ways to travel with out spending a lot of money" I tell him. "I went to Jordan for two grand including a plane ticket. I was traveling with a friend, and we split everything." "You're defending yourself" he says, "which makes it even more suspicious." I am caught between a hard place and an even harder place. If I say nothing, he feels justified, and if I defend myself, he also feels justified. This is useless. I'm not sure that he or it is worth my time at this point. I think of all the travels I've been on. When I was younger, much of it was blessed by my parents, and still sometimes to this day. Then, as I got older, it was backpacking through Europe with a girlfriend from grad school, sleeping on trains, slumming it at every corner. Trips with boyfriends were often split in some way where I bought the tickets and he bought the hotel rooms. And then, my solo ventures that I can't seem to hold back. I think I was being accused of being a gold digger at that point, yes, and actual cliched gold digger, and I think primarily based on my appearance, my dates, and his lack of understanding on how I support myself and my life. It's simple. I live simply, I can stretch a dollar for a mile, and I put my money in experiences rather than material items. I have dated some very interesting and successful souls, I have also turned away much more successful and less interesting souls. I have dated people that didn't have a pot to piss in, I have dated people some where in the middle. It doesn't matter. This specific man didn't seem to have a gage on me, or a desire to get a real gage. Truthfully I had known him for years, but knew little of him and his back round. But, it wasn't until a few months earlier when I saw him get up in early hours on a Saturday morning to help weed a community garden that I thought he might be worth even a moment of my time. So, I guess I do love jewels. Pearls of wisdom, diamonds of truth, and hearts of gold. Then indeed, I may be a gold digger after all. A big, tenacious, relentless, unwavering seeker of the biggest hearts of gold I can find. And, I have found them often both in friends and in romance. So I just keep digging.